Felt Like A Kiss
Title:Felt Like A Kiss
Author:Kate Bolin
Feedback:dymphna@ametro.net
Website: http://members.tripod.com/~dymphna/fanfic
Notes:I'm just not very fond of the whole concept of Buffy and Faith being together. So here's my response. The idea, however, was first told to me by the uber-babe herself, Katie Vieceli, over french fries at the Macdonald's on Canal st, covered in glitter. The title is from a song that I don't remember the original author of, but Hole did a cover of it on their MTV Unplugged appearance and, well, it's been running through my head. Beware the angst! Oh yeah, and I've been surviving a really vicious spider bite this past weekend, so I'm really out of it right now, so forgive me if this sounds a little more...out there than I thought it would.
She loves me. I know she loves me.

"Oh my God, Buffy. What happened to your back?"
"Oh....vampires...tough ones last night. One of them started whomping on my back. But Faith got him."
"Pretty small vampire...look at that boot size."
"Yeah, but...you know how it is, Willow. The smaller ones are the meaner ones."

I'd lie for her. I am lying for her. Because she loves me. I know she loves me.

"B, I don't like you hanging around Willow so much."
"She's my best friend, Faith."
"I just don't like her...she always thinks she's better than us, but who's always saving her ass in times of trouble?"
"She's my best friend....she doesn't think she's better..."
"Didn't I teach you better than that, B? Do I have to tell you again?"
"No...no, you're right."

She tells me she loves me. Especially afterwards. She tells me she's sorry and she tells me she loves me. I know she loves me.

"Oh, God, B. I'm sorry. I fucked up again."
"No, it's okay."
"I just get so...angry. I'm so crazy about you...I get so angry when you do something wrong...I'm sorry, baby. I love you."
"I love you too. I'm sorry I made you angry. I won't do it again, I swear."

I always mess up. No matter what happens. I can't do anything right and she helps me. She loves me. That's why she gets so angry.

"What the hell did you think you were doing tonight?"
"Just dancing..."
"With a guy! B, I thought I told you about men! You can't go off and dance with them!"
"But you did..."
"I'm strong. I can handle them. You can't, B. You lost your head over Angel. You'll lose your head over some other guy if I'm not there to protect you."
"I'm sorry..."
"'Sorry' isn't going to cut it, B. You're going to have to learn..."

She loves me. She protects me. She knows how bad I can mess up, how I can cause everyone I care about to die. She protects me from myself.

"Buffy, can we talk for a bit?"
"About what?"
"Look...I know you and Faith are.....together. And Willow's told me about some bruises she's seen...and I see a few...and they're not all being caused by vamps."
"What are you getting at, Xander?"
"Buffy...Faith's beating the hell out of you."
"What? No...I told Willow, and I'm telling you. Vampires. I'm the Slayer, I'm bound to get bruised a little."
"Last time I checked, vampires didn't use belts."
"Xander...what is your problem? Faith and I are fine! You're just jealous because I'm with her and you're not!"
"In case you've forgotten, Buffy, I had bruises on my neck for two weeks after she tried to *kill* me. Buffy, I....I don't want see you hurt..."
"I'm fine, Xander. Faith loves me. We're fine."
"Right."

I defend her in front of everyone. I love her. I know she loves me. And if anyone knew, I'd lose her. She'd go away and I'd be all alone again. I don't ever want to be alone again. I don't ever want to lose her.

"Buffy, we need to talk."
"Giles...I really don't have time..."
"It's about Faith."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"She's obviously hurting you. I think that's something we need to discuss."
"She's not hurting me. Well, okay, maybe a few bruises from practice, but all Slayers get those, right? On-the-job hazards....you know..."
"Buffy."
"Giles, nothing's going on. She loves me. I love her. She isn't going to lose her soul any time soon. I don't see a problem."
"She's hurting you, Buffy. Don't try and deny it. I know it's there."
"And?"
"And she has to stop."
"I....I don't see the problem. We're killing the vampires, we're saving the world, so where's the problem? We're getting the job done."
"Buffy...I..."
"Look, I have to go to class. I'll come by later."

She loves me. I know she loves me. She holds me in her arms and whispers it in my ear before we go to sleep at night. She says it after we fight vampires, holding me close as she checks for any injuries. She protects me from the world outside, from myself, from everything because of it.
She loves me. I know it because she hits me.

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