http://www.rapdict.org/ has a great rap dictionary reference. A local copy so that I can still refer to it when I roleplay is available, but try the main site first.
I yawn.
The buzz is gone and my body starting to turn off. I must be going soft. Still, I guess Ive been sitting on my ass for a week with these jokers.
I slide the key into the door and quietly open it. Please dont squeek. Please dont squeek. Please dont squeek. I look up and whisper a prayer to the Dark one, "Thank you, Set. Owe you one, buddy".
This is so weird. I feel like Im back home trying to sneak in without wakin' anyone. Oh yeah, felt that! My tired body cranks out another adrenaline spike at that thought.
Id like to flip my shoes off, but Im not so smashed that I'll try doin' that. My fingers are half frozen and I have no idea how much Ive had to drink tonight. I kinda rember lettin' Purple pour those fucking Future Slammers down my throat.
I walk in on the toes of my shoes, towards the key rack on the wall, cursing the big ass heels on my clompy old head kickers. I slide the keys onto the hook and head towards my room.
I hope to Set that Ren is a heavy sleeper. He'd go bananas with me reeking of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Still, fuck him, he's not my dad.
I should peel off the leather, 'cause I know I got some dirt in the Grand Canyon, but fuck it. Id need to get my boots off for that.
I drop into the bed and yawn, forcing one eye open to check the digits. 4:53am. Early still, so why am I so tired and drained all of a sudden?
I close my eyes and let the blackness soak in around me. It's quiet. Quieter than where I live. I can still hear some cars, but they seem further away, and they aint got pumpin' stereo's and gun shots and cop sirens.
Suddenly Rene lets out a flabby snore, but I dont open an eye. Im used to guys snoring and it's usually a lot closer to my ear.
I curl up in the bed, sliding under the sheets. I probably still got dirt all over my ass, but screw it, this aint my bed and I dont have to do the washin' up.
He smiles a warm friendly smile, "OK. You can clean up."
I open my eyes a crack and look round at the neat and clean room with the sheets that smell, I dunno, new, I guess. That banishes the vision for a while. I try and stay awake, but the tiredness just keeps weighting down my eyelids.
I dunno how long it is, but eventually my eyes close and Im back there, back home, if you'd call it that. This fake room is gone and I see the stains on the wall and smell the damp reek coming up from the matress. Home. And it isnt even mine. I cant help but see that place. That place and TF.
He opens the door and invites me in. I wouldnt be here, but D's thrown me out again and I havnt eaten in a couple of days.
"Look, you don't have to..."
He turned towards me, a serious, but somehow calm expression on his face. "Yes I do..."
I feel my chest clench up and my lungs start to burn.
NO. NO! That's not what fucking happened.
Im cold and hungry and a total mess. Im curled up on his couch.
He leans in closer. "What? Did you say something?"
"Uhh." I try and stop the shaking and look him in the eye, inviting. "Maybe there's something I can do for you, you know?" Come on, lets get it done.
He smiles a warm friendly smile, "Ok. You can clean up. Unless you know how to cook? But I'm happy to do the cooking, really, it reminds me of my mother, and that's important..."
Mum. Cooking. Food.
I try and hold it in, but a sob turns into two and then Im gone. Sobs and tears follow and they take over everything.
TF. TF! Uninvited, the memory of Claire returns...
"Your friend TF was hurt by some toughs. He wouldn't give you up to them... he was a strongly moral muslim who wanted to make a place in the world for someone who needed it..... He's going to die. He's not dead now, but you don't get to see him alive again."
"He wouldn't give you up."
I.. I didnt even say thanks, I just ripped off his skateboard and all his cash.
I..... didnt. Thats... thats not what happened.
I try and convince myself, but it doesnt work. I try and remember the TF who I took in, but I cant fool myself. I know that all that stuff is a lie. I didnt take TF in. That isnt my shitty crappy fucking appartment. D isnt my fucking friend. Ice isnt my fucking bro. The tatt on my arm aint some cool 'all for one' thing.
TF looked after me. I dont have a home. D's my pimp. Ice treats me like shit. And the tatt? It just marks me for what I am. Property. It's a fucking property brand.
Now I get why Rene was so fucking hot over my Eye of Horus. I guess it's his mark.
Some voice in my head, piped up with, 'No. He wouldnt.' Shut the fuck up, Claire.
I want to be angry. I want the white hot rage to wipe all this fucking weakness away, but it just wont come. Im empty. Drained.
I want to feel something, but I just feel sucking blackness and lonelyness. No home. No friends. No TF. No history. Nothing.
I want to talk to D. I want to hug Ice. I want to tease TF. But I dont have any of that. I never did. And I never will.
I pull my knees up close to my chest and hug them with all my strength, but it doesnt feel like Ice, it feels like me, alone in someone else's bed, sobbing like a weakling, pretending someone is holding me.
I try and fight it, but breathing is hard now. My chest is uncontrollably tight and eye and nose are dripping. I try and stop it but I cant. It just takes me over and it's all I can do to roll my face into the pillow so noone will hear.
I cry. I dont know for how long, but eventually even that has to give in to the exaustion that flows over me. As it does, and as my sobs become wimpers and my tears slow, I feel oddly better. As my body surrenders to sleep, I feel warm and surrounded.
Suddenly I get an image of my first house with mum, before we moved east. Mum and me on the porch in one of those swinging chairs, Im curled up with my head in her lap and she's just stroking my hair and holding me. She tells me she loves me and that Im safe, and for once, I actually believe her.
Sleep comes soon after and I dream of safe, soft, peaceful things. Things from long ago in another world.
Puuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
My mind tries to drift back to last night, but I cant really remember much. Flashes really. I remember drinking, dancing, driving. I remember sex and drugs and rock and roll. I remember being deafened and sweating with crouds of writhing people, pushing and sliding up against me. I remember the world flashing past and I remember fucking on the rough gravel. Bingo. Oh yeah. Thats why I feel so good this morning.
Something else too. Crying? Nah, I feel too good for that to be right. That cant have happened. Im always a fucking moody bitch after that.
Everything is a blank slate. I only have a vague idea of where I am, but I really dont care. I smile and slide my face gently across the warmth on my face. Im feeling warm and happy. Ya gotta love the post sex buzz. Oddly, that thought doesnt feel exactly right in my head, but who am I to think too deeply about stuff. Fuck it. I feel gooooood!
My eyes flutter open and I see a tee shirt. Im sleepin' with someone!
Oh, shit! I didn't fuck Rene last night, did I?
Think! I still feel the ass huggin' cow skin on my butt. Weird. Who fucks with their pants on? I sneak a peek down. Nup, noone has taken out the Twins of Evil. That only leaves.. I swirl my tongue round in my mouth. Hmm. Vague aftertaste of somethin', but that's probably from before I got home. I kinda remember doin' the dirty on Purple near the road.
Phew! So, I didnt play Doctor and Nurse. Thank fuck! Thank you, Set. Thats another one I owe you. And another one for Purple.
OK, gotta stop thinking about sex with Purple. Dont wanna get hot while Im on the Doc. Eeeeew!
So, Im curled up like a helpless little fuckin' baby on Rene. Damn it, I must have slipped into the wrong fuckin' bed last night. Still, atleast we didnt ride the Rodeo. Gotta try and look at the bright side.
Hey, cheery thought: maybe he doesnt know. If I can slip away, then I have plausable deniability.
I gently try and peel myself away from the snag of our bodies. I pull up, as much as my trapped left arm will allow and take in my surroundings.
What? It's Campbell? We didnt..? I didnt.. We couldn't...
Ok. Brain start workin' with me here.
She doesnt have my cool slutty purple lip stick all over her face, so I didnt taste her lungs. I wipe my wrist over my lips. Damn. Nothin'. Shit. Of course, the lippy wouldnt have lasted very long into last night, would it? Hmmm, Purple. No, gotta consentrate! I hope I didnt finish it off with a tongue search of a cop.
That brings a smile. Mmmm. Last night. I get a tingle out of that thought.
Think. Gotta think. No. She's still dressed. Kinda. Ok, she's just in an oversized teeshirt. I cant see if she's got the the garage doors open, but Im not the kind of girl to leave clothes on. Maybe...
Oh who the fuck am I kidding. I got no idea what I did last night. I probably staggered into the wrong room. Screw it. Time to face the music.
I pull left arm out from under Campbell.
She sturs and starts to wake up, so I figure Ill get in first. "Mornin', C".
Campbells eyes flip open and she locks eyes. "Hi.", she smiles. It's a friendly smile, but it isnt a 'that rocked my world' look, so I know aleast we didnt play cops and robbers.
"Sorry. I guess I got the wrong room last night."
"No, this is your room."
Huh? What? So I didnt... I look around and there is Rene, sleepin' like a baby. By brain skips a gear. So, Campbell snuck into my bed? Huh? Why would she..? Huh? My brain just stalls.
I stand up and take a sniff of the arm pits. Fewwwwwwwww! I smell like the dark corner of a nightclub. Sweat, sex and cigarettes.
"Want some breakfast? Coffee?" she tempts.
My brain isnt moving very fast. Campbell in my bed. Coffee. "Er, yeah." I slept with a cop. "Sure." Campbell in my bed. Hey, I thought that already. "Coffee." Why did she come into my bed? "My brain isnt working and I need coffee." Did I just say that out loud?
"Great." Campbell heads out of my room and towards the kitchen. Like a Zombie, I follow the girl in the teeshirt. I shake my head from side to side. Campbell. Bed. I look down and give her the cat eye. Her legs aint that bad I guess, atleast she isnt the usual pig cop.
Some old girl is offerin' us coffee. Campbell orders some for both of us.
Olga is sitting there, chowing into what looks like puked up paper and glue. Nice. Just what I want to wake up to.
Not Lindsey is there too, not being Lindsey.
Someone jams a coffee in my hands. Warm. "So, Campbell, why were you in my room this morning?", I yawn.
Campbells eyes go a little wide, but quickly recover. Ok. Im confused again. "Uh... maybe we could talk about that later".
Oh shit. Something happened. "Err. Yeah, sure." I stammer out. Oh very cool, Cas.
Campbell starts up in a different direction, "I know what the Heart of all Sorrows is." I look over at her, kinda interested, but still half trying to work out what happened this morning. She continues, "Its been hidden, but it's so obvious. It's fnarg larp yooop glan. Rene, as a ritualist should have know that. It's so obvious."
Olga looks over confused. "What did you say?"
"Find an arg poop gland?" I offer helpfully.
Campbell looks over excitedly. "I said it's fnarg larp yooop glan." Yeah, thats what I thought you said.
Olga looks over and protests "That was just gibberish". I just blink and drink.
Campbell looks over to me. "You heard it right?"
"Yeah. Poop gland someting."
"No. I said it's fnarg larp yooop glan splee crowuvious wipsplee mooop kneebop xarn ltrop and it's been krimbious."
Ah, whatever. "Sure it is." Campbell. Bed. Campbell. Gibberish. Today is not starting well.
Olga jestures in frustration. "Thats just noise."
Campbell slaps her forhead. "It's been hidden from everyone. It's obvious, but you cant hear what Im talking about because it's been hidden."
I blink and drink, say something, "Sure it is.", dont make eye contact.
Campbell scrawls some little lines on a napkin. She holds it up to us. "What does that say?"
I look at it, but it is just lines. I want to say 'Would it be fnarg larp yooop glan splee crowuvious wipsplee mooop kneebop xarn ltrop ya poop gland?', but I think things are weird enough between Campbell and me so I just drink my fill of coffee and ignore her.
"Its just squiggles" Olga observes. Brilliant we can all see that.
Campbell shows the mess to Not Lindsey. "Can you read it?"
Not Lindsey replies, "Sure, it says fnarg larp yooop glan splee crowuvious wipsplee mooop kneebop xarn ltrop fnarg larp yooop glan".
See!!! Thats what I was going to say. Sheesh!
I look over to Lindsey, but she's got that serious look on her face. Shit. She understands it. That's gotta mean something, right? "Maybe Campbells been grabbed too and this isnt really Campbell." I offer, but people dont seem convinced. Especially Campbell.
Campbell looks up in frustration and cries out "Auugh!"
I should add something constructive. "Hey, I found something out last night too. I pumped my sources for information and guess what? Those losers we met last night, at the water pump place? They were an NI Sniper squad. Exterminators."
"WHAT!" Olga exclaims.
"What does that mean?" Campbell asks.
"Well, my sources say that it means one of two things. One is that maybe they've been screwing with us for the last week and they were just playing some more, or two something is way wrong in the NI and they needed to put a splat team on talking to us. I heard that they are way messed up at the moment, so something must be going down."
"Did you find out anything else?" Campbell asks. Pumping me for.. no, no... bad thought.
"Err, yeah. I got Carlos' contact number. He knows that Lindsey is missing and is lookin'."
I dig in my back pocket for the piece of paper, but as I reach there, I remember an entry on another piece of paper in my filofax. Aurora-RAD!
The Conference! Damn it! The conference! It's today! And Rene is giving one of the papers.
My thought processes are interupted by Olga who is obviously not to be outdone. She dumps a little baggie on the table and one that I notice has got my name written all around it.
"Whats that?" And why does it have my name on it?
"Rene had it." Olga frowns and looks way serious. "My sources say that it's a hex. It brings bad luck."
I get a sudden flash of hurt. Is she serious? Why would Rene do that? To me? He wouldnt. Not after how long we've known each other. No. Olga dont know crap about magic.
Olga looks over to Campbell and asks, "What do you think?"
Campbell stares at it for a while. "Yes, it could well be."
No. She's wrong. Campbell too.
I look over at Campbell and she looks serious. I look at Olga and she looks conserned. Olga holds my stare. "What are we going to do about it?"
What if... if it is? What do I... Simple. I hurt him. My lips peel back into a cruel smile and I answer, "Lets go wake him." Olga smiles in anticipation.
We head back to our room and we gather around the bed. "Rene?" I ask quietly, not wanting to wake him too suddenly.
"What..fmpp. Hmp." he replies and rolls over.
"Rene! Wake up!" I add gently.
"What? What?" Rene sits up. He doesnt look at all rested, poor dear.
I lean a little closer. "Rene, Aurora-RAD! The conference. It's on today. You have to give a paper, remember?"
"What?! What is the date?"
"It's thursday." I answer his next question before he asks it "It's just after 9."
"What! No!" Rene starts to get up. He waves us all off and I see everything else drain from his thoughts. "I have to go to the conference. Where is my suit?"
Suddenly I snap back to thinking about the bag. I swing my arm out and block his attempt to stand. "Oh and what is this?" I hold up the bag.
"You found..." Rene's look changes to one of suspicion and the usual outrage. "Where did you get that?"
"A friend gave it to me. And they said that it's a hex and it's ment to bring me bad luck." I stare down, expectantly.
"Err. Um. Errr, no. No. No. It's ment to bring good luck. Good luck." Olga snorts out loud. Campbell just shakes her head. Rene looks up at me, "It's not... It's ment to bring good luck."
I look into his eyes and I know he's lying. I feel my skin flush with humiliation. Rene... he... he... cursed me? He really did that? To me? Olga leans forward, enjoying the moment, she presses on making Rene squirm. "He's lying." she states proudly. She looks over to me, expecting something, probably something violent.
Suddenly I wish Olga and Campbell werent here.
I feel humiliated and naked. Rene, who Ive trusted all these years. He cursed me. He really cursed me. He did that to me. I feel used and shamed and it's only made worse by his transparent attempt to lie, like Im trusting enough or dumb enough that Ill buy it. The worst thing is that I still so want to trust him, even as he rubs his lie in my face, here, infront of the others.
Rene looks up at me, looking maybe for forgiveness or the hope that I'm too dumb to see through it or understand it. Im not though. I wish I was. I break my eye contact. I cant stand to look at him. To think I trusted him all that time.
All.. that... time... ? What the fuck?
A week. A fucking week! Rene who I've known for a fucking week! Prick! Fucking prick! Magic doin' prick. I push him back on the bed. "Dont you ever cast magic on me like that again!" I shove his shoulder, overbalancing him back onto the bed. I smile my sweet 'Im so going to enjoy hurting you' smile. "Clear?"
'Punch the prick!' something inside me chants, but some other corner of my mind just tenses my arm, rather than letting it lash out.
"It's, er, really it's good luck." Rene looks up at me, looking like a school kid who's been caught not doing his homework. A voice in my head points out that he obviously knows that he's been caught. Fucking logic. One voice wants me to smash his fucking face against the bedside table and another just wants to make this go away.
"Fine, then you wont mind if I burn it then?" I take it over the desk in the room and rip the bag apart. Stuff falls out onto the table and I dig out the lighter and burn it. It smells disgusting as the hair and stuff burns.
Rene takes his chance and stands, "I have to get to the conference." He looks up at Olga and Campbell and not Lindsey staring at him. "Get out! I need to get showered and changed."
Part of my chuckles evilly. I might not be willing to smack his head on the draw until the Gideons is red and sticky, but I can still be a shitty, petty, little bitch.
"I need a shower." I say and sprint into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
"CAS! No!" I hear rene shout, but I just lock the door and turn the hot water up full. The prick can have a cold shower.
I peel out of my leathers and grab a towel, wet it and give the trowsers a clean inside and out while Rene bangs on the door for a time, but I really dont care. These fucking pants cost more money than I've ever seen before so I guess I better look after them.
Rene has stopped making a noise by the time I strip off the rest of my gear. I still cant believe I lost my bra last night. Bloody windy city.
I pump some cold into the shower and get in, using the soap to wash the rest of my gear. After thats done, its time to wash off the smells and grime of last night. I just stand there zoning and letting the water wash me clean. It's nice to be warm and fresh and clean.
After a while I click back to earth and get out of the shower. I squeeze out my stuff and toss it over the edge of the bath. I grab the leather pants, wrap a towl around myself and head out. No reason to give the Doc a free peep show, after all he might have a heart attack. He freaked out enough over the tatts without showin' him the rest of it.
I head out and dig through my bag for some dark blue/black jeans and a new top.
"About time!" his majesty says.
"Sorry, I used all the hot water." I lie.
"WHAT!" snaps the Doc and heads into the shower to check it out himself. He's learnin'.
Now isnt that odd. He takes a change of clothes in with him. Why didnt I think of that?
I drop the towel and slip into the new gear. I'm just pulling the teeshirt down when Campbell comes in.
"Did you move the car last night?"
"Nope." Sorry C, never quite made it to the driving lessons in school. Like, Duh. Pretty dumb for a cop.
Olga pops in and says "That was me. I went for milk in the van". Good one. What is it with everyone? Lindsey's been fucking kidnapped and people go out for milk?
We chat for a bit and Rene comes out of the shower. "I need to go home or to the medical center."
"What for?"
"A suit. The funeral. Claire's funeral is today."
"So is the conference." I quip.
Rene grabs the phone and calls the conference.
"How does it feel to go to your own funeral?" Campbell asks while Rene is distracted.
I shrug in reply. Who cares about funerals? Once you're dead you're dead. Aint no God, so whats the fucking point of a funeral?
Rene is finds out that his paper is due tomorrow not today. The moron doesnt cancel it or anything, he just takes the details and hangs up. Like I said, moron.
My phone rings in my pocket and I pick it up. Oh, groovey, it's Chigga. He blabs some stuff about not locating Lindsey, but that the city block blackout was the work of the Snipers. Oh great. City. City. It wouldnt be the medical center would it? Yep. Typical. Shit. Still atleast it means that they wernt doin' Lindsey. I thank Chig and tell him I owe him one. I can almost hear him choke to death on the other end of the phone.
"We have to go to the funeral." Rene continues "I need a suit."
"No," I counter, starting to get pissed off, "we need to go find Lindsey. Remember Lindsey? Grabbed and replaced by that." I point to not Lindsey. "No offence.", I apologise.
"None taken." she reples.
I look around, but I get the feeling they still aint buyin' it. Ok, time to spell it out. "Oh and while we're all here, I just wanted to tell you all that if I ever get taken, like Lindsey, and if you guys ever fuck around and go sleep on it or piss the time away, then Im going to do to each of you whatever it is that gets done to me. That means if someone works me over with a pair of plyers, then when I get back here, you guys can all expect plyers and a very uncomfortable week." I watch the gears grind round inside their little heads.
Rene sighs in exasperation. "Fine! Lets do the ritual, then go to the funeral. What do we have of Lindsey's?"
"Err. Im not sure." someone adds. I shrug.
Bing! Light bulb. "Hey, I'll call Carlos see if he knows anything or has anything of Linds'."
"Good idea." Campbell says.
I call the number and say the words wait for the call back.
Rene blurts out, "We need to go to the medical center."
"No can do, Doc. The Snipers blew the power on a city block during an op. Just happens to include the medical center." We so need to get back there and see what's gone.
Rene looks conserned and unconvinced by his next word, "Coincidence."
"Suuuuuure it is." I reply.
Rene decides were all doomed so he may as well go and try and get a suit from somewhere nearby while we wait for Carlos to call back.
Carlos rings back and says that he hasnt been able to locate Lindsey. We mention the locate spell and he says that he has some stuff of Lindsey's. Campbell chats to Carlos about how our van is infected, but eventually we decide to drive to meet him anyway.
We pack everyone and everything into the car and head to pick up the Doc.
We head to Lindsey's old hospital carpark. There is Carlos with a teeshirt of Lindseys. He asks why we didnt use Lindseys backpack. We try to explain that we see Lindsey, but eventually we both just ignore that and move on.
Rene grabs the bag of ingredients that we got from the medical center and the magic shop last night. "Cas! Chop this herb. Carefully! No pieces..."
".. larger than.." I hold up my fingers, indicating the universal sign of a very small penis. "..this. I know". Why does he treat me like an idiot?
I start chopping while he prepairs the incantations. Eventually we have most of it done. Campbell comes over and checks on how her new little sleeping buddy is going, but Im too busy for small talk with cops.
I look at Rene and something clicks. Cops!
"Hey, why dont you call your partner and see if Ren is still wanted for murder or anything."
"Good idea!" Campbell grabs my phone and goes and calls her partner. Apparently Rene isnt wanted for murder, but Glenn was arrested for trying to buy drugs from the pizza delivery boy. That and he was in a police officers flat with a drugged woman. Oh, its cavity search time for Mr G.
[Campbell also finds out some info about the number plate of the mechanical kids car.]
We do the ritual and we each get some details. A handfull of feathers. Some water with submerged plants. A large floral pattern fluffy bed with the numeber 137 on. Cooking bacon. A wallnut colored dog. We chat about it for a while and then decide that it's Ruth's pet store.
We bicker with Carlos about the van for the while, but eventually decide to get Carlos to get it towed and we'll report it stolen.
Carlos drives us to the petshop. We are mostly there when he gets a phone call. It's Lindsey she's at the pet store. Duh! We sooo knew that.
We roll up and I jump out of the car and run to the rush to the back door. I try the door but its locked. I consider breaking it down, but it seemed she was ok from the phone call. I knock loudly and eventually Ruth opens the door a little.
I boot my foot into the door and barge passed Ruth.
"Excuse me!."
You try anything and Ill fucking hurt you. I move into the hall and start pushing open doors. "Lindsey? Hey Linds? You here?"
"Excuse me.. hey!" Ruth complains but she isnt a threat so I ignore her.
Ive only checked out a couple of rooms when I see Lindsey on the stairs.
She looks over at me and Ruth and looks pretty pissed off, "If you've hurt her...".
I breath a sigh of relief and try and calm the adrenaline down. Lindsey looks ok physically, but there is a twitchyness to her movements that I know all too well. Fuck! Our 'rescue', clown like and pathetic as it was, is too late.
"Linds! Are you ok?" Dumb. Dumbdumbdumb question. Of course she isnt ok.
The dog that is with her on the stairs looks a on edge and I unconciously shift to a more fighting stance. The dog just stays by her side.
"Is Carlos outside?"
I just nod. Lindsey comes down the stairs and I follow her out. Ruth gives me a dirty look as I pass, but screw it, I dont care, right?
Everyone has come down the alley and Lindsey walks up. "Lindsey! You're ok?" Olga almost snaps, "Where have you been? We've been looking for you all this time." What a fucking lie. "You've been here eating bacon for breakfast?" I unconciously wince. This could get ugly.
Lindsey snaps back to Olga "Ive been kidnapped and TORTURED!" Ok. Atleast Lindsey didnt slap her. I stare at Olga, a little confused, a little dissapointed. I want to do something, but what?
Lindsey spots Carlos and rushes over to talk to him and introduce her mangey little mutt friend.
I turn back and look around at out little gang and suddenly I feel a weird. Im not sure they understand it. I wanna say something, but what? How do you clue people in who have laws and cops to uphold them? I have to keep reminding myself that to Ren and Olga, cops are part of the solution, not part of the whole problem. The cops are just the tip of the iceberg. Would these uptowns have ever met anyone who has been beat on?
Suddenly Im feeling very freaky and out of place, like I dont belong here and somehow Ren and Olg are normal and Ive fucked up my life somehow.
I shake my head to try and clear the feeling. Im probably just chanellin' Lindsey, 'cause she's probably feelin' that.
An uncomfortable stammer snaps me out of dream land. I turn and watch the miracle that is Lindsey as she stammers some words to Carlos and they both stare at each other uncomfortably. Then look away when it gets too personal.
Oh for fuck sake, just fucking hug will you! Why is everyone so fucking hung up? I wanna run over and push them into each others arms just 'cause it's too painful to watch.
Lindsey comes back towards us and announces, "I want to stay here for a while and chat to Ruth. Can you come and get me in a bit?" Err. That doesnt feel right.
"Yes." Campbell answers. "Olga and I will go find the Lexus and Rene and Cas can go to the funeral. Then we'll come back here and get you."
No. I dont like this plan one little bit. But before I can protest, Lindsey pipes up and decides the matter. "Ok." she states simplily and starts to head inside.
Campbell turns and says, "So we can get a lift Carlos?" Carlos nods, watches Lindsey head back into the house. "Lets go. Everyone into the car." someone orders.
I turn to Campbell and nod in Lindsey's direction "Ah, I just wanna walk Lindsey in, 'k?"
"Come on!! Look at the time!" Rene complains to noone in particular, Campbell shakes her head and everyone starts piling into the car.
Lindsey has a bit of a lead so I break into a jog and catch up, "Linds. Just listen, OK?" I dont really want to wait for a reply, so I just keep going, "Just wanted to say that I get it. You wanna scream. You wanna hide. You want to crawl out of your skin. You wanna just forget it every happened. You want to make 'em pay. You blame them. You think, maybe, it's you." I shrug, trying to find the right words. "I get it."
"I just wanted to say that you need anything, you just ask me, 'K? You want anyone off your back, you want someone watchin' your 6 when it gets too much, you wanna get bloody in return or you just need an escort when you just need to go scream somewhere, them Im ya girl."
Now the hard part. I take a long breath, "Just dont close down. You do and you're dead. Look, if you need to talk or cry or scream or lash out at someone then Im here, I get it." I shrug and look at Lindsey, but it's hard to make out what she's thinkin'. "Just dont switch off."
"Ah, yeah. Anyway. Said my piece. Better go apologise to ya girl Ruth and get back to baby sittin' that lot."
I suck in a deep breath and head in to give my apologies to Lind's boss. I slip into the house and search out Ruth. She's in the kitchen when I walk in. I look over at her standin' there, and my brain sorts through all the excuses I could pop out. Im tryin' to find the words to say somethin' but I feel like Im back in school tryin' to think up more believable excuses for my lack of homework.
I finally decide on a basic 'sorry'. I avoid her eyes and check out the roof while I blurt out some words while tryin' not to look too scary or bent. My mouth kicks in and spew out something lame. Ruth doesnt shout at me, so it cant be too bad. Ah, fuck it. It's not like Im gunna see much of her anyway. Still, Lind's likes her, so I better not piss her off.
I turn to leave but weirdly she calls out and offers me some bacon. Whats up with that? If it was me Id tell me to go get fucked. Although if I was her Id be old and wouldnt say fuck would I? I mumble some thanks, snatch some bacon and head out while my stocks are up. People are weird sometimes.
I head back out the door, passing Lindsey again. "You OK here alone, Linds?"
Lindsay looks at me thoughtfully, then nods. "Thanks."
"Ah, right." I wait around a little, uncertain if there is anything else, but then I remember that its Lindsey, "Cool. So, I'll catch you once we finish screwin' round with whatever it is we're doin' now." I start to head off back towards the taxi feeling a little bit happier. "Losers."
I turn back towards Lindsey, walking backwards. "Hey! You got my number. Call if you need anythin'." I lick my fingers, "Or if you get more bacon."
Lawyers take note: Faith belongs to related belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and fox..
Need help translating this page? Try the Rap dictionary.