http://www.rapdict.org/ has a great rap dictionary reference. A local copy so that I can still refer to it when I roleplay is available, but try the main site first.

(Sat'day): 12:39am. Spook shop basement.

The old lady turns to me "Think back to your child hood."

The hand swings down and impacts on my face, sending me flying back, knocking over the lamp and the bottle of cheap whiskey on the table beside the sofa.

Mum stands up, "Stupid little bitch, you spilt it! It's your fault your Dad left! We only wanted two kids! We hated you! You were a #&$ing mistake!" She staggers forward, but I crawl to my feet and run off to the bedroom. She never moves that far from the front room any more. I'm lucky my room is at the far end of the house, away from where the TV and the booze is.

I run into my room and shut the door. Leaning down beside the bedside table, I reach under and pull out a picture of my Dad, all neat and important and stuff in his uniform. He... He used to play with me out in the yard. He show me how to play football and... and... he didn't hate me.

He was so proud of Tony Jr when he started playing. And Will too. We used to play in the yard. The boys were always better than me. They dont let girls play football. I know that now.

Maybe I wasn't good enough.

Maybe thats why he left.

Maybe I am a dissapointment.

Maybe he hated me too.

I must have been pale already because I feel my skin crawl and my eyes go wide, but noone says anything. The crazy old lady is looking at me.

Tony Jr and I are struggling over his water pistol. He came into my room and stepped on my cardboard house, coz I wouldn't make him breakfast. Mum is sleeping with her new boyfriend and will kill us if we make any noise and he leaves like the last ones did.

"You broke my house!"

"You stole my skateboard!"

"I just borrowed it!"

"You stole it! Here, you want this? Fine!" with a sudden move, he brings his knee up and smashes the plastic pistol in half. I stare at him, surprised and he just smiles back, shakes his head and letting go, dropping the broken toy at my feet. he steps back and cries out loudly "Cas! Stop it! You'll break it! Caaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssss!"

My mouth falls open as I hear voices in Mum's room and the sound of movement. She's coming. Why did he do that? He broke it?!? I... I... dont understand...

Mum comes in looking really pissed off. I stare up blankly, Tony's broken toy at my feet and slowly it dawns on me. "I... I... didn't... he.. I mean... I.."

Mum grabs me by the hair and drags me into the hall. Im scrambling to keep up, but I dont cry out any more or protest my innocence. I learned the hard way that doing that just makes it go on longer.

I know whats coming next. Im trying to clear my head as she drags me into the kitchen to get the big wooden spoon.

One of the boys at school said that his Dad does judo and that he can meditate or something and block out pain from his body. My teacher said that meditating was like clearing your mind and thinking of nice stuff.

I've found that it helps. Sometimes. Maybe I'm just new at it.

Mum gets to the kitchen, throws me over her knee and grabs the spoon. I close my eyes. Im thinking of how I used to play football with my real Dad. Football. Its a nice sunny day outside and we're all laughing. Im outside playing. Everything is fine. Throw me the ball Dad.

I hear the air swish as her hand comes speeding down. I clench my teeth and focus. Football. Sun. Dad. Gotta catch it. Dont want to let him down. Again.

"My childhood...?"

"Yes."

I swallow and start shivering. I clench my teeth. Cant make a sound...

Im laying in the dark, curled up, not making a sound with the blankets pulled tight around me to keep the monsters out. Gotta stay quiet. Cant make a sound. Cant move...

I heard Mum and Rob arguing in the living room just before. Im sure I heard something smash. They were throwing things again, so I know that I'll have to skip out of the house before anyone wakes up tomorrow... or Mum 'll hit me for breaking things again.

I try and keep still, even though I smell the alcohol.

It didnt last long so maybe Rob hit her again, or maybe he just gave her some stuff and she shot up on the sofa again. Either way she's probably out of it 'till tomorrow.

I feel tears run down my cheek and onto the pillow and I grit my teeth so that I wont make any sound. If I dont make any sound.... If I dont move....

I hear the creak of a floor board and I try and stop breathing. Maybe it can hear me breath....

The blankets peel away from me and I feel the cold air on my back. His hand touches my shoulder and rolls me over.

"Hey, Cassy.... Daddy's here."

You're not my fucking Dad, Rob.

Of course I just think that. If I say anything or make any sound then he gets angry and hits me. I can cry this time as long as I don't make a sound, because it's night this time and he can't see my tears. Its so much harder during the day.

I start to shiver as I feel the bed creak under his weight.

I try and think of Dad, but I lost the picture when we moved into Rob's place. Its... Its been so long. I can remember the uniform. And I know he had dark hair like mine. I... I... cant really rember his face....

"Cassy, you've made Daddy feel all excited again. You shouldn't do that. Now you have to make it better."

I... I've done something again.... Im... sunny day... football... with Dad.. eerr... someone... No. No. I'm playing with a puppy. I've made Daddy like this... not Daddy.. Rob... Not Dad. Someone who likes me gave me a puppy and we are playing outside in the sun...

No.

Noone like me enough to give me things any more. Noone gives me things.

I start shaking and sobbing out loud. I cried. I... I made a noise. He doesnt like that. I let him down.

"Shut the fuck up, Cas!!!"

My eyes start to tear up, but I'm stronger now and I dont make any sound. Im older and stronger and I can control it now.

My eyes flip round to the others, but they are just staring at me, waiting. Its dark down here and I know that they cant see my weakness.

The lady expects and answer, but I dont have one to give her. What does she expect from me. I dont want to go back there. I escaped my childhood and I'm not going back. This fucking thing can drain me dry and eat my soul for all I care. There is no way I'm going back there.

"Think of something nice from your childhood." I blink and almost laugh out loud. Almost. Im in control these days and I can repress such outbursts.

I get the urge to punch her in the face until I break all her teeth. I want to look down on this lady battered and bleeding, but Im too weak. I just start shaking. Rage combined with inability to move.

Then slowly I realise that she is trying to be nice. She is trying to get me to think happy thoughts. She doesnt mean my childhood in particular, but she is just trying to make me feel calm.

I look down at my feet, and push the urges down. Back down until I have them under control. I push the rage down and zone, calming my mind. I dont need to think of anything these days, I can just blank my mind until the pain goes away. Im strong.

It takes me a while, but eventually I look up. I sniff. My nose is runny from my tears. "Yeah, ok. Happy thoughts."

I clear my mind and start to focus. Happy thought... happy thought. I smile.

I might not know stuff from school and like but Im not dumb. I watch movies and I know how to make a plan.

First I needed to be fit and strong.

I practiced like the Rambo guy in the Rocky movie. I did running and stuff until I didnt get puffed.

I took up sports at school with avengance. I worked out 'till I was strong. I played sports where I had to hit and swing at things.

I learned other stuff at school too. I started to hang out with the bullies and trouble makers. They showed me how to skip school and to make trouble so that teachers wouldnt care if you skipped school, as long as you left the other students alone. They taught me how to steal and get stuff when you dont have money. They taught me how to fit in with people who wouldnt care where you came from or where you got your money. They taught me how to move quiet so noone would hear ya. They taught me how to fight and how to hurt people.

Yeah, they wanted stuff in return. They were just starting to notice girls and for a bit of skull they will show you all sorts of neat stuff. Hey, no biggie, I've done worse.

I stole some of Mum's gloves and Tony and Will's mittins. I put them on and practice hitting things until my hands stopped hurting. JJ, one of the thugs at school taught me how to fight and where to hit people.

Trouble was that I couldn't take JJ and if I couldn't take him, then I might not be able to take Rob. What I needed was a new plan.

Like I said. I aint dumb. And a new plan I needed and a new plan I got.

Which brought me here.

I reach down and quietly lift Rob's wallet off the table by the bed and slide it into my pocket. He just did the rounds, selling to his chickenhead addicts, so his wallet is fat with money (those that paid in money that is).

I straighten up and step closer to the bed. Rob sturs and rolls over, face up. Obviously sensing something, even in his sleep.

My hands wrap around the handle of the baseball bat and I lift it up above my head. I focus and clear my head, readying all my effort for the blow, just like I practiced behind the gym at school for the past three weeks.

I swing down with all my might and smash the bat into his face with a satisfying crack.

"How the fuck do I make you feel now, Daddy?" I shout as I pull the bat up for another blow. Rob tries to drag his arms up to protect his face and I slam down again giving a crack to his arm. The sound is just music to my ears.

Mum is shaking herself awake now and her eyes are wide. She's gunna start screaming any time now. *BLAM* I strike again getting past his arms and hitting his skull. He sags back into the bed.

Mum inhales to scream so I swing the bat out in an arc and catch her in the face and her head smacks back into the bedhead. She starts to whimper and sob.

Thats her delt with. Tony's out with the boys and Will wont be home for another 10 minutes. Perfect. 10 minutes all to myself.

I raise the bat again and smile. Happy.

Everyone starts chanting and eventually the old lady starts ranting. Suddenly there is an impact on my chest and it feels like a tearing sensation. I feel like something is pressing down on top of me.

"Cassy, you've made Daddy feel all excited again. You shouldn't do that. Now you have to make it better."

No! Im gunna kill you!!

I rush up to the old lady and drag her out of the chair. I shake her and snap "What did you do to me? Where is it!" The monster has to be round here somewhere.

I look round but I cant see it. Nothing here is a threat. Ill beat it out of her. She did something to me. "What the *#&$#$*& was that!!!! What did you DO!"

She just looks confused. Im about to clock her dial when something comes barreling in and knocks me down. I strike my fist down and fold into the blow, putting my weight behind it and I am rewarded with blood and a cry of pain. Jumping to my feet, I take up a defensive stance and scan for my enemies.

Lawyers take note: Faith belongs to related belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and fox..

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