Cas slowly pulled her arm out from under DMS.
He was sleeping now, content in the post sex sleep that engulfed men after the act. She was glad of that. It gave her a chance to dissapear without having to deal with all the emotional bullshit and lies that followed.
Her arm pulled free and she rolled off the bed and onto her feet in one fluid movement.
The nighttime orange of street lights outside lit up DMS' curtains and Cas padded over to the window and drew back the curtain to look out at the street below.
She closed her eyes and cursed herself silently. 'Dumb dumb dumb!' Her instincts told her to pack up and run like she always did, but she knew that DMS was different to the others. The two of them had grown up together on these streets. They knew each other and she trusted DMS and... 'Dumb!'
She opened her eyes and looked out. The streets below were quiet for this time of night. Cas tried to just blank, but her mind was working now and wouldn't be shut down. She remembered DMS' hands softly running over her body, way different from steel grip of Rob, her step father. She curled her hand into a fist and quietly thumped the glass. She didnt ever want to think of DMS and Rob in the same thought.
'DMS. Damn it. Stupid, girlfriend. Should have kept your pants on!' She stared at her reflection in the glass. She looked at her pale white skin, reflected in the glass. She didnt belong here. She lent forward until the cold glass pushed against her forhead. She didnt belong anywhere. 'Stupid! You dont belong. Why are you messin' with DMS? Stupid!'
DMS deserved better than this. The Man looked after his posse, and he always counted Cas as one of his posse. Well not always. He had been one of the ones Cas had needed to fight hardest in the begining, before the Brothers & Sisters had started to tolerate her. Before his 'revalation'. But he was 100% now. They were close. Too close.
She just knew that DMS was going to make a big thing out of this. He was steady and reliable and he was going to try and make this permenant. He was going to try and go steady or somethin' stupid like that. 'He'd probably announce it to the world', Cas thought to herself, 'and dare anyone to challange it. Dumb!'
The would challange it. She didnt belong here. She was tolerated, but being tolerated was not being accepted. People put up wth her here because the other choise was to limp for a week. Noone liked her, except maybe DMS and Ice. Why the hell would DMS risk his position for her? How could he be that stupid? Couldn't he see?
Cas closed her eyes and thumped her head on the glass a couple of times. She knew that DMS would stand by her, whatever may come. 'Stupid bastard'. He probably thought that he would lift her up, out of the hole, but she knew. She knew that she would suck him down with her. Things were hard enough for Cas in the Hood already without being accused of stealing DMS or something like that. She knew they would say it, if not out loud then behind DMS' back.
'Stupid!'. Cas knew that he'd get off on standing up and shouting out about them to the world. Some of this 5% nation crap that he went on about. Screw the 5%, the 15% and the 85%. Screw them all.
'Im not going to be his little trophy to show to the world.' She felt her face blush. Part of her knew that it was wrong, DMS would never use her like that, like the others had.
She was short changing DMS, but that helped. The anger at the thought and memories of being a trophy and the anger at herself for even thinking that of DMS, combined. Anger she could deal with. Anger she could channel. She could use anger to be able to walk out of his room. She thumped her head once more onto the glass. To walk out....
She heard DMS stur in the bed. "*#&$!" she whispered and told hereself 'You should have just run, stupid.'
DMS faded from black into a pale orange room. He felt sweaty and tangled in the sheets. His mind flipped into operation, remembering how Cas and he hit the town that night. He felt closer to her than he ever had. 'Finally she's chillin' with me', he thought to himself. 'Man, that girl got some major issues with lettin' people in.'
He sat up and looked round. Cas was over by the window looking out, but her sholders hunched like she was tense. "Cas? What up, Baby?"
Cas spun round and started to sweep her clothes up from the floor where they had flung them in the heat of passion just a couple of hours ago. DMS' mind reeled. She looked pissed. He started to scan back to remember what the Hell happened.
"What you doin'? Its like 3. You aint walkin' home now??!"
"Gunna stop me?" she challanged.
All sleep drained out of DMS' brain and it fired into hyperdrive. Some part of his mind started to shout 'Danger!'. DMS pulled himself out of bed and moved to block the door.
Cas walked toward him, arms full of clothes and looking like a stalking predator, rather than... than... a naked... err. DMS blinked and tried to clear his brain. Cas stopped just infront of him and sneered, showing just enough teeth to make DMS uneasy. She shifted slightly, adjusting her weight in preperation to fight, DMS' brain told him.
"You know you is welcome here. No need to go." DMS was totally confused about what the hell was happening. He raised his hands in what felt like a peacful jesture.
"Back off, D. Look, I was lookin' to get busy and you happened by. Was just neat and easy. Nothin' more." DMS started with surprise. All the emotion drained out of her voice and she continued, almost sounding bored, like she had said it a thousand times, "Dont worry, honey, you were great. The Best." She looked at him, no warmth in her eyes, "Really." He frowned and saw a flash of pain and anger peak out through her face.
She stepped forward and DMS put a hand on her shoulder. "Cas..? I..?" She looked down at his hand and then raised her gaze to reguard him with a contemptious stare. DMS felt like an insect.
"Back off!" she snapped, the anger starting to take over as he had seen so often before. DMS felt his arm start to retract, but he held it firm, wanting desperatly to connect with her again.
"Cas! Talk to me! Whats wiggin' ya? Chill! We can work it out!"
Cas batted his arm away, dropping some of her clothes as she did. His eyes darted down and tracked the sneaker as it rolled out of her folded arm and accelerated towards the floor.
The sudden thump of the sneaker as it hit the floor seemed to startle Cas into action. DMS tried to pull away but she was just too quick for him. She always was. She pushed forward and punched into his stomach. He felt the air forced out of him and he folded over. 'Oh man! This is going to bruise.'
Cas pulled back and DMS tried to stand up straight. "C..as.. its..". He pulled up enough to look into her eyes. She looked suddenly afraid and scared, almost in pain. He couldn't think straight. Something was really wrong. She was.. was.. terrorified. He tried to think. DMS shuffled forward and reached out to reassure her.
Suddenly Cas snapped into action. DMS watched, seeminly in slow motion as Cas dropped the clothes and lent forward, building her body's momentum as her arms lashed out towards him. 'Man, what a dime!' he thought, just before the impact.
Cas' fist smashed into DMS' shoulder and she felt him whip round as his arm jolted backwards. 'That'd hurt! Wont be using that for a bit' her mind tallied as it always did when she fought. DMS spun round from the impact and smacked into the wall.
It always ended in violence these days. Sometimes they'd try to stop her leaving and she'd have to hurt 'em. Always they would whisper the names, 'slut, whore, worthless little....', the names Rob had called her. Sometimes it felt good to have to hurt them.
She raised herself on one foot and spun round, moving her weight behind her foot. 'STOP!' part of her brain called, but she had to do this. She had to get DMS out of her life. He was different. He cared. He deserved better than to have his life screwed up by her. She always screwed up. Like now. She shouldnt have let it get to this stage.
Her spin complete, she smashed her foot down on the back of DMS' knee. It gave a hard thud as her weight drove it into the wall and a muffled cry escaped DMS' lips as he fell to the floor. 'Goin' down and stayin' down' her mind added calmly.
Cas followed the blow through with a hard blow to the back of DMS' head. It bounced him against the wall with a firm bang and he started to fall backwards. Cas knew from the way his body went limp that he was out for the count.
She stepped back as DMS fell back from the wall like a slack puppet. Her fists snapped up automatically to a fighting stance. DMS gave one small bounced on the carpet before he settled. Cas looked down into his unfocused eyes and noticed the blood rolling down from his left temple.
She wanted to cry out and beg his forgiveness, but she just stood there staring, ready to fight, hoping to fight, but he just lay there. Motionless.
It tore at her heart to watch him lay there, bleeding. She wanted to scoop him up into her arms and promise to never hurt him again, but she knew she couldnt promise that. She would screwed up again, like she always did, like she deserved to. Better to hurt him now and get it over with.
'You screwed up! Look at what you did! Stupid bitch!' Rob's voice shouted at her. Rob's voice, just like when she had been young. She felt panic tingle round her body. 'Run!' her mind shouted. She felt her eyes start to well with tears, but she shut that off like she learned when she was young. Cry and he hits you. Or worse... Just shut up and wait for it to be over...
It made her angry to know that Rob was right, that she did always screw things up. But she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of being right about screwing everyone else' life too. DMS deserved better and, 'damn it', she was going to make sure he got better than her.
The anger started to break through the hurt. Refreshing anger. That helped her shut it all out. She felt herself harden and the other emotions went away, packed back back down where they hardly never got out.
She felt a strangely calm wave pass over her. She had wrecked it all. She screwed up, just like she always did. That helped. She was used to this. Anger and screwing up. She could handle this. It was just like all the others times.
DMS would have done anything for her, but how he was safe. Just like the others, he would wake up hating her now, he would vilify her to his friends, he would reject her. Because now he knew her secret, that she was a mess. 'One big *#&$*#ed up mess'. She wouldnt ever have to worry about him liking her now and finding out the truth later. She didnt have to hide any more.
Cas lent down, quickly checked nothing major was broken. 'He'd be ok once he came to' the tally part of her mind noted. Physically anyway.
She scooped up her clothes, pulled on her jeans and a top and slid out of the appartment into the night.
DMS woke up, head pounding. His eyes tried to focus, but nothing made sense. He was standing on the wall near his bedroom door and looking up at the ceiling. That couldnt be right. He couldn't walk on walls, could he?
His mind wandered. He suddenly remembered Cas' look of fear. 'Thats right, she ran'. His mind stopped trying to work out why his legs didnt work and focused on Cas. He hadnt expected her to be scared. 'That doesnt make sense.'
It was nothing he did, or could remember. 'Things had been fine.' he recalled, 'No, way.' he quickly corrected, 'Things were GREAT! The best! What the hell happened?!'
His mind started to clear, atleast a little, as dull aches throbbed in round from his body. She was a weird one, that girl. He'd been an idiot to push things with Cas. It was just so hard, she radiated this dangerous magnetism and when she wanted something it was so hard to say no. Especially when you were the prey.
She was like some dangerous animal. She was like his opposite. Where he thought and planned, she lept in. He remembered observing once that she almost seemed to want to be totally submerged.
He'd seen her with her men too. She picked 'em up from that caveboy dance club she worked at. She'd be hyper and so totally in love that it scared him. Every new one seemed like an obsession, bigger than the last, then suddenly, boom, it was over. Funny that she didnt get all down and mopey either, she'd be all happy one day and then, almost emotionless or flat the next. 'I never could work that out' he thought to himself.
He had to think about this, it didnt make sense......
He rolled round onto his knee and let out a scream.
Lawyers take note: Faith belongs to related belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and fox..
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