Sessions
Message: Mon Mar 12 14:41:02
From: narelle [To: liam]
so................
lindsay slips out of the hotel room, down the stairs, intent on going back to the pet shop, grabbing her things and heading bush. However, about half way down she realises she can't run, if there is something still attached to her. She finds or asks for a phone book, and looks up the name of the gypsy.... she wonders briefly about calling, then figures she will head there and check it out first and then decide what to do next.... she heads out to find a taxi....
Message: Mon Mar 12 14:42:05
From: narelle [To: liam]
it feels good to finally take action, to do something positive, and not
hang around with the group of people she has been thrown in with against her
will....
Message: Mon Mar 12 16:43:04
From: liam [To: narelle]
It's not too late, and the hotel is near to the center of Aurora which, while
it is not a jumping locale, does have its share of nightlife. An occasional
taxi makes its way along the otherwise fairly empty street.
The phone book in the hotel lobby indicated that a "Madame Seance" is indeed located on West 40th street, which is not as far from here as the pet shop would be. Lindsay is able to walk up to the nearest major cross- street before sighting a cab...
Message: Mon Mar 12 16:59:59
From: narelle [To: liam]
Would she know where that is, or how long it would take to walk there?
Ah what the hell, she just grabs a cab :)
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:00:40
From: narelle [To: liam]
i was going to say, if she could find it and it was no more than 30 mins
walk away, she would prob walk....
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:06:21
From: liam [To: narelle]
It's probably more than 30 minutes walk.
And she's not really familar with that area, I think. Its not a great neighbourhood, but I don't know if that would seem dangerous to her. It is a brisk evening, weather-wise. Not chilly, but not at all warm.
A cab spots her and begins to pull over...
[street layout is such that, baring something special, you can find your way to a lot of places by following street signs. W40th street would be a bunch more large blocks to the west. Its predictable and not hard to locate, just time-consuming, and at night.]
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:08:31
From: narelle [To: liam]
ok, i think she wants to get this fixed up NOW. so she will be on the look
out for a taxi.
when it pulls over, check it out to see if anything is obviously "wrong". (does the driver seem wierd, anything strange about the taxi....) I think it would have to be pretty obvious for her to notice it, but she is being quite careful - she's kinda in hunting mode.
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:12:16
From: narelle [To: liam]
if you have anyway to roll it, my notice is 33 (is that just TOO sad?
*laugh*)
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:13:59
From: liam [To: narelle]
She's paranoid. I think she'll notice a lot! :)
Guy (it is a guy, not a gal at the wheel) seems scraggy, middle-aged, disinterested, and perhaps a little drunk. There is a can of beer wedged between a phone book and a jacket on the front seat (you would *not* be expecting to get into the front seat). The driver ID pic is close enough to this guy (and indicates he probably had a haircut at one point, and has been doing this job for way too long, if that was the age when he started). The cab's not in great shape, but it has seats and working windows, and doors... :)
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:17:20
From: narelle [To: liam]
hmmm, ok. Does he seem ok to drive? I think she would find the pic kinda
reassuring. :)
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:19:40
From: liam [To: narelle]
He seems in that broad catagory of people who have had a beer but don't
seem about to barrel into a tree headlong. The car moves over to the curb
as you'd expect it to, no sign of doofy-driving.
While Lindsay might find the picture reassuring, I'm sure the cabbie wishes he'd got another shot at it... :) He's no Don Juan! :)
Swarthy complexion. More "american" than any other nationality, though.
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:29:37
From: narelle [To: liam]
quick general question - does this have wind down windows or automatic?
also, does the driver have on of those protective screen things around him?
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:30:56
From: liam [To: narelle]
Windows wind manually I don't think there are plastic windows in all Aurora
cabs. There is not in this one, anyway.
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:32:42
From: narelle [To: liam]
ok, well she can potentiall get out, and/or threaten him with the knife
if it comes down it. ok she tells him where and gets in....
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:34:30
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You got aplace to go there? Its not a great neighbourhood to be walking
around at night. Not a whole lot of nightlife over there, and not a whole
lot of friendly people..."
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:34:50
From: liam [To: narelle]
Flag fall. Cab's yours.
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:37:57
From: narelle [To: liam]
"i'll be ok" Gets in and goes.
she is trying to stay focused on things (basically she doesn't want to zone and risk another wierd episode). she's checking the route they're going, making sure he's taking her to the right place, and generally looking for anything sus....
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:42:25
From: liam [To: narelle]
The cab is comfortably warm (not too warm). The seats are worn leather
stuff that bends easily and yet are firm enough so you don't feel you are
going to have trouble getting up. The windows are, perhaps a bit suprisingly,
quite clean. The cab smells... ok.
"I knew a fellow who's girl lived out around W42nd a few years back. She said it wasn't that bad, but she always stayed with him down in South 53rd, y'know? So I don't know what her deal was. People always saying this and that about places they don't really live in, you know? Like having an address is enough to make you one with the pavement. Its not like that, really."
He checks Lindsay in the rearview. Its a quick gaze, but he's really looking.
"You don't live there, do you? You don't live in here either? You live further south, or somethin'? Visiting a friend?"
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:49:50
From: narelle [To: liam]
hmmm, lindsay is not the chatty type..... still camoflarge.
"I moved up to live with family here a while ago.... yeah, i was up this part of town and thought I would check out a friend who lives out that way while i was here..."
Give him a really good look too... he just seem friendly chatty, or something more?
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:56:39
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Your family doesn't live here." Its said with certainty, but not thrown in
your face. He manages not to be starting anything with the statement, just
commenting. "But that's fine. Just be careful, ok? There's a lot of streets
that don't get police and cabs up and down them much. Just watch yourself
is all. You been here what... six or eight months? don't get complacent like
you live here forever. Just watch yourself is all."
He doesn't watch the road as he drives. He hits the lights alright, though, and never seems in danger with other cars. Actually, usually he makes the lights, and doesn't stop much. Doesn't drive too fast, nor snail along. Perhaps he knows the pattern of the lights from driving a lot.
He's got some sort of insight. A lot deeper than you'd expect from a cabbie, perhaps. But he doesn't have a predator's note about him. He's calm and he's not in your face at all.
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:57:20
From: liam [To: narelle]
There is a scratch in the roof, just a little thing, over in the front left
side...
Message: Mon Mar 12 17:58:47
From: liam [To: narelle]
The right passenger window has a slight streak where the oil from someone's
hand touched the glass. It distorts the lights a bit as you pass them...
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:00:01
From: liam [To: narelle]
You can hear a soft metalic sound where a screw is loose, perhaps on the
back number plate.
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:00:05
From: narelle [To: liam]
hmmm, a scratch? made from the outside denting inwards, or from the inside?
Does it look like a knife?
But more interested in him right now. "What makes you say my family don't live here? You mean in the city?"
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:00:56
From: narelle [To: liam]
She will not let herself get caught up in minutia - that way leads bad things
concetrate on where they are driving and on the driver....
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:04:56
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Your parents. They don't live here. Not in Aurora. Somewhere... out
there..." He gestures abstractly outside the cab.
A jet overhead, engines softly thrumming.
A street light flickers on and off to the right.
Is the car still moving? Everything seems frozen, but distant. Hazy.
"....OK back there? hey?..." its a voice.
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:07:20
From: liam [To: narelle]
There is a sense, like a taking off a hat that you have had on for long
enough that you forget its on. Your head is cold. Your head would be cold.
Like the air can reach it now the hat is gone. But you are not wearing
the hat. And things are softly spinned.
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:09:22
From: liam [To: narelle]
[the scratch was a small nick, or day-to-day wear and tear scratch. no
longer than a fingernail. minor.]
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:10:04
From: narelle [To: liam]
oh no, this is bad!!!!!
Focus on something normal.... on how to do something really ordinary, On how to milk a cow (i'm grasping for something ordinary she would have done, that she could visualise).
If she can still talk to the driver:
"I'm ok.... so what's with all the questions about where I come from....?"
Said calmly, just curious. "I'm starting to feel like this is an Inquisition."
Said with a laugh, or at least an attempt at one. :)
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:10:54
From: narelle [To: liam]
watching his face closely as she says the last bit....
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:15:31
From: liam [To: narelle]
Watching his face closely Ok.
His face, the mirror. you can see those. can focus on them. You are not sure how much of what you were trying to say you managed to get out. Your voice seems a long way away. Your eyes are far away too, but you can see the face. He's concerned.
"...home? I can turn around if..."
"...are you?..."
And here's your laugh now. You can feel it. like a slow leak or drip. There. Your laugh. Lazily spinning between points, stars, dots, places...
You can still see his face.
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:19:42
From: narelle [To: liam]
ok, she's starting to panic.....
"no, not again." (possibly repeated...)
If she feels dizzy, may try to put her head down between her knees (prob not quite possible, but you get the idea....)
If she can do anything, push her fingernails into her palms, trying to create pain in her body to focus on....
If she can get some control back, she will prob act, but she needs to get some focus again....
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:24:05
From: narelle [To: liam]
If she's getting paniced (and i really think she is, this qualify's as
losing herself) her telepathy may start slipping too....
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:24:44
From: liam [To: narelle]
you can see the face.
your hands are far away.
there is a lot of vacant around and between you and things.
Its vast in here out there.
"...water, perhaps?..."
"several months, at least, but if you are dedicated"
"...your home perhaps more comfortable?...
"or "
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:24:45
From: narelle [To: liam]
If she feels the cab stop, and she had enough physical control, she might
try and get out and run.....
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:27:42
From: narelle [To: liam]
She is flipping out, which usually means run away, or she might try take a
pill, but she knows this isn't the telepathy exactly, so I don't think she
would (bad things happen if you take the wrong thing).
She is just munbling randomly "No, not again, please no, not this, make it stop, focus, focus, FOCUS!" Try and smack hands, or even head on something. Wants the pain to reconnect.
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:30:25
From: narelle [To: liam]
If she thinks she has any chance, may try and grab her knife and cut herself.
(not badly, but again, wanting something to help her focus....)
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:31:17
From: narelle [To: liam]
The knife is in her boot.... I dunno quite how incapictated she is.... my
guess is quite alot....
Message: Mon Mar 12 18:32:26
From: liam [To: narelle]
ok.
"I won't let you go. Not in my city. Not in my city."
Two hands, holding your head on either side. Face. Staring into your eyes. Concern. Determination. Focus. Confidence. Calm.
Its dark.
Lindsay sleeps.
[I think that will have to do for now. She wasn't sure what she could or could not do, or to what extent she was connected to herself. She was really remote. But there was hope, and she was not spinning away. The darkness is pure, not hazy. She's not alone there.
Sunday morning: part 1
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:05:25
From: liam [To: narelle]
She sleeps curled up, I imagine, yes?
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:05:49
From: narelle [To: liam]
yup, i think so.... esp after that.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:08:53
From: liam [To: narelle]
It is still, and quiet, and just the right temperature. There is a slight
comforting leather smell. Waking is gradual, and she's more awake than
conscious for a few minutes, at least until she realizes that she's back;
that she's alive. There is no fear.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:12:36
From: narelle [To: liam]
leave eyes shut and just listen.... does it seem she might still be in the
taxi? Is there anyone near her? Sound of breathing, smell of another person?
I think she's still about numb... she's more processing environment from
habit than anything else.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:17:06
From: liam [To: narelle]
yes, this is the taxi seat. It is wide and comfortable. There is a blanket,
too, thrown over her, and tucked in around her neck and shoulders.
There is soft breathing. Patient. Or sleeping.
There is a sense. All around. Everything is connected. Everything is together. Everything is safe. Everything is us. Everything is around us.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:23:44
From: narelle [To: liam]
softly fingers the blanket. odd. someone caring. not used to that. feels
strange, that someone cared. uncomfortable almost. but sort of nice too,
somewhere buried inside, remembering it was nice when i wasn't alone.
gradually focus on what i'm hearing, inside....it seems calm, but this sense... it's not usual....is it me, or someone else's sense that i'm feeling? maybe it doesn't matter.... reminds me of the quiet of when i was alone in the wild.... peaceful. lonely but peaceful. lie and rest in the quiet for a bit....think briefly about moving, but can't figure any reason why i would. where is there left to run?
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:28:40
From: liam [To: narelle]
140,000
That's a lot.
A lot of what?
Whatever, its why it is so peaceful here.
The blanket is soft and worn - well-used, and used with care, not used casually or without respect and thought; recognized.
Acceptance. That's the sense. Belonging. Afirmation.
Its not in your mind. Its around you.
The other breathing stirs. Breathing shifts. consciousness asserting itself.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:34:30
From: narelle [To: liam]
frowns. 140,000? try to understand, but give up. what does it matter?
so calm here. been so long since things have felt calm. her face smooths
again. it makes her look very young.
fingers stroke the blanket... enjoying the feel, and the caring it implies. in her mind, not sure who she is saying it to, but says a quiet "thank-you".
hears the breathing stir. a moment of almost panic. (is she feeling another mind wake? which would imply her telepathy is on and working?) but the calm is so nice...
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:37:14
From: liam [To: narelle]
the number is just there, its meaning lost, but it remains.
The other awakening is all outside her. She can sense the shifts in breathing and attitude that indicate a waking person. Nothing more, although her initial worry is perfectly valid.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:43:43
From: narelle [To: liam]
longing for a moment to just stay in this calm (so long since it's been this
calm) don't want to wake, to face the day, the moment, any of it.
can't i just stay in this calm? stay in this moment now.... and not have to deal with the one coming?
i don't want to open my eyes.... if open my eyes the world will be there.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:48:05
From: liam [To: narelle]
The other moves. Small, careful, patient, movements.
A pause.
A door opens. car door. taxi door.
There is a ... wash ... a wave ... Of care, concern, gentle.
A soft hand brushes past Lindsay's face for a moment.
But the sounds of movement are on the other side of the car.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:53:32
From: narelle [To: liam]
swallows. frightened.
care? concern?
don't remember how to deal with that.
try to pull on mental armour.... but can't seem to find it....
eyes open.... who is it? where am I?
small, frightened, vulnerable.....
Lindsay's eyes open, searching for the person who touched her.... she doesn't say anything. she looks like a small animal caught in the headlights. She's still curled up - nothing moves but her eyes.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:55:52
From: liam [To: narelle]
Something swirls past.
It is dark here, not pitch, but darker.
Something swirls past, a comforting hand brushes the side of her face. There is a sense. Of caring. Of concern. A brief moment. A woman's face. Peaceful, caring.
Message: Tue Mar 13 12:57:53
From: narelle [To: liam]
Flinches when the hand touches her, and backs away.
"who..." her voice comes out all croaky, and she has to stop and swallow. her face is distressed, but looks much more child like than usual. The tough, remote lindsay is gone.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:01:52
From: liam [To: narelle]
There is not a lot to back away into. The corner of the cab is rounded and
warm.
There is a movement from over where the other door is open.
"huh? You awake?"
the voice is calm and quiet, pitched so as not to awaken someone who is asleep. It is a familiar voice. 140,000 would be familar in that voice. 140,000 over about 40 years...
A piece of paper has been placed carefully over the cab's internal light, so that even though the door is open there is only a soft difuse light.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:06:11
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay really has a problem. She know these people don't mean her harm.
She would probably be coping better if they were. She feels intensely
vulnerable, and totally unable to cope with things..... I think this has
stripped her back to what she must have been like at around 15, when it
all went to hell with her family....
"I... who.... please (real pleading in that, but for what I don't think even she knows) 140,000? 140,000 what? (she's trying to cling to something not about her... trying to divert attention from herself)
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:12:28
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You are awake. Man, that's good. I was worried. So I brought you here. I
didn't know where else to go. I didn't think you wanted to go home, or
back to the hotel. So this is where I came. 'cause its safe here. Its
a good place, with that 40 years behind it. Lot of caring. Its like a
place built on caring, see. So that's why I brought you here... I'm
talking too much... I hope you are ok."
The voice starts calm and peaceful, but a nervousness creeps in, and the words beign to run themselves by the end, fuelled by uncertainty, or perhaps worry.
Something swirls past, you can feel its passage, but it doesn't quite brush.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:14:22
From: liam [To: narelle]
the cab is empty. the door is open. The person talking is just outside, and
leaning back in. It is the cab driver. Things swirl around him and outside.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:18:26
From: narelle [To: liam]
"what keeps touching me.... who is she??!??" Ends almost on a sob....
Clasps her hands together, as she realises how uncomfortable he is, and is trying to make some effort to pull herself together and sound calm and sane. "I'm sorry.... I don't understand.... *takes a deep breath* what is this place?"
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:22:05
From: liam [To: narelle]
"touching? oh." suprise, but not extreme "the place... the time... um...
what if I said ghosts," and then added somewhat hurredly "but I said
it really quietly and moved on from that. Is that ok. Well, I mean, it is
ok, but it is ok with you? Nurses, they cared for the babies, I guess...
you can see them?"
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:24:37
From: liam [To: narelle]
Takes a breath. "This was Chicago Central Hospital. From the 20s to the 60s
this was where the newborn babies were cared for. That's a lot of kids over
those 40 years. And the place remembers. That's why its a good place to come.
See? Even though it was a car park after that. It still remembers all the
kids, and all the caring..."
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:25:07
From: liam [To: narelle]
What he says is familar, somehow.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:29:18
From: narelle [To: liam]
"Ghosts? Then i'm not imagining it? *huge relief* i just.... they suprised
me, that's all. But they're real, so I'm not mad (last said quietly).
They're sort of swirly - you can see them too? A hospital, that makes
sense. ok. i get it. that's ok. I'm not imagining it."
She's almost talking to herself, reassuring herself that she's in control of herself, and her perceptions are corilating with reality.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:32:32
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Umm. Well I can see them sometimes, but not now. But I know they are there,
I mean I can tell."
"you aren't mad, though. You aren't suprised by ghosts?" He sounds a little guarded at this.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:37:31
From: narelle [To: liam]
Sort of almost laughs. "After the last few days i'm not sure whether anything
could suprise me."
Sobers up. "No, that's probably not true. But i've seen some wierd things lately.... ghosts are almost reassuring....." She's beginning to gain some composure, but it's pretty thin.
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:39:29
From: liam [To: narelle]
"hmm. ok."
He extends his hand. "I'm Carlos."
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:39:33
From: narelle [To: liam]
She pauses for a minute.....
"Um, what ha... " Stops and changes to: "...your name? I'm lindsay."
Message: Tue Mar 13 13:40:33
From: narelle [To: liam]
um, reaches forward, shakes his hand kind of tentatively.
Sunday morning: part 2
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:08:35
From: liam [To: narelle]
so.
Lindsay pauses for a moment... "umm what ha... uh.. what's your name? I'm Lindsay."
The man extends his hand. "I'm Carlos"
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:10:55
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay looks at Carlos briefly then at the taxi. She looks awkward and
uncertain. An odd, uncomfortable pause...
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:12:42
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos steps back a bit. "Uh.. do you want to get out and stretch your legs?
Or would you rather stay there until you feel more stable? ..uh..."
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:14:17
From: liam [To: narelle]
Some things spin past.
There is a fleeting but powerful wash of warm safety.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:16:51
From: narelle [To: liam]
"Um, yeah. Thanks"
Slips a hand down to check to see if her knife is still tucked in her boot, since she vaguely remembers try to draw it last night. If it's there, slowly uncurls from the corner and out of the car. Stretches a bit, looking around at the car park.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:21:37
From: liam [To: narelle]
Her blade is just where she left it.
If anything, it is darker outside the car than it was in. And there are more things brushing past, although fewer seem to make contact - it is mainly a sense of things just a short distance away, not a rush of air, not a chill, just a brushing that never happens. And every now and then a face, or a calming hand, nothing specific, all somewhat indistinct, and all lacking in color, but at the same time seeing as plain as a face devoid of makeup...
"Um... I don't live here, you know. um. There are no lights, I'm afraid. But I could put on the car lights if you want..."
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:23:22
From: liam [To: narelle]
She can perhaps make out a rough sense of the size of the space. Large.
It doesn't smell much like a car park. But she can see a few lines on the
ground. Not recent.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:24:37
From: narelle [To: liam]
"No, this is ok...."
Trys to make out the time on her watch, if there is enough light. I'm guessing this things with ghosts hasn't happen to her before.... try to focus on the next one I see, see if I can make out more detail...
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:27:32
From: liam [To: narelle]
It should be early in the morning. The hands seem to say its a bit past
5 (assuming a watch with hands)...
If these are ghosts, they are not what Lindsay might have been expecting. While they have some of the ghostly sense, they are not sheet-white phantoms. Most of their sense is not visual - she can feel them, and not with her mind - as they spin past her. There is something otherworldly about it. But it is also very real.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:29:44
From: liam [To: narelle]
A face spins into sight. It is not like a photo or projection. Its sort of
not even there at all. Its not a projection onto something in the air (like
mist or smoke), in stead it seems almost like a distortion of the air
itself, or even of her perception. Concentrating on it is not unlike watching
visual distortions when you have a migrane. It is a face and not a face.
It is there and not there. It is more a sense and less a thing.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:31:51
From: narelle [To: liam]
So early then.... that's ok, she probably tends to be an early riser.
yup, would have hands. Old fashioned watch.
Stares a bit bemusedly at the not quite visual ghost thing. "Thank-you. For... last night. Whatever. " Stops, not quite sure what to say, but feeling she should say some sort of thank-you to the ghosts. and it's simpler than having to deal with Carlos.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:33:11
From: narelle [To: liam]
But also sort of saying it to him.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:33:28
From: liam [To: narelle]
The image spins away as quickly as it arrives, only "there" for a heartbeat.
[Is the "thank you" directed at Carlos? Maybe that answers me.]
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:34:54
From: narelle [To: liam]
More at the ghosts. She knows what Carlos did was actually pretty amazing
and probably really important. She just can't quite deal with it, or him,
yet.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:35:59
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Ahh. You were... I didn't know what was wrong, so I didn't know what to
do really, but I didn't think you wanted to go back to the hotel. Or home.
You seemed to need help. And this place helps me..."
He's quiet for a breath.
"I didn't want to loose you." he says quietly.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:38:12
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay glances directly at him, very startled. Swallows.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:38:04
From: liam [To: narelle]
He looks a bit startled at what he said "Uh, I mean it seemed wrong. It seemed
important." He looks down and away.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:39:42
From: narelle [To: liam]
So does Lindsay. She opens her mouth a couple of times to say somethings, but
can't really think of what to say to that.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:38:44
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Uhh... do you know The City?"
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:39:42
This is a safer topic. "No, i've only been here a few months. I'm still
finding my way around"
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:39:44
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Because The City knows you."
There is something about the word city. It means something to him...
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:41:42
From: narelle [To: liam]
"What do you mean by _The City_?" gives it his empahsis. "Why should it
know me? why should it care?" The last is puzzled and almost angry.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:44:57
From: liam [To: narelle]
He looks up sharply. Something flares in his eyes, completely displacing
the calm patience for a heartbeat.
The room seems to pause, like a breath taken in but not released.
Then his face softens and the patience returns.
"The City knows us all."
"It cares for what is worth caring for."
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:45:36
From: liam [To: narelle]
"It's the City" He says, by way of explanation. "It is where we *live*."
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:47:26
From: liam [To: narelle]
"The city is like a forest. A forest of us."
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:49:07
From: narelle [To: liam]
Wraps her arms around herself.
"Maybe it made a mistake this time." Bitterly, but very calmly "Unless it has a thing for freaks. I was stupid to come here.... I should go back... it was quiet there. Simplier." The last is said quietly, more to herself.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:52:57
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You want to go back to that hotel?" there is a slate-like edge to his
voice, not sharp like a knife, or hard like stone, but an edge none-the-less.
"I can take you back and let you out of my cab. No charge."
"But you can't leave the City behind there. It is all around us."
he pauses.
"I thought I was doing the right thing. Sorry if I was wrong." His voice is now flat; hurt.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:54:28
From: liam [To: narelle]
There is a space around the two of you. nothing spins close around you.
It is simply dark there. It is still peaceful here, though.
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:56:28
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay looks away, a bit ashamed. He has put himself out alot for her,
and she's being a bitch.
"No, not the hotel." a pause. "I'l be happy to never see it again. I mean I should leave. The city. Go back to the wilds again. At least I don't bother people there. And they don't bother me."
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:58:16
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Leave? ... the city?"
There is a wonder in his voice, and a flat calm with no hint of his
hurt from a moment earlier.
"..."
[something spins inside her head, a strong tide of deja-vu, a dizzying
tug.]
Message: Thu Mar 15 17:58:27
From: narelle [To: liam]
After a moment, she realises how impossible that is. She can't go back, not
when things are like this. "I just want it to stop...."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:00:07
From: liam [To: narelle]
[her stomach twists, her skin runs cold.]
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:03:10
From: narelle [To: liam]
"Uh...." sways and stumbles "No! Not again..." Starts curling into a ball...
Pounds her fists into her head "Go away, GO AWAY!"
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:05:35
From: liam [To: narelle]
A hand is on her shoulder.
"I've got you.
Firm. Confident. Calm.
"You are ok."
"Here, sit."
Stability. A grip on her arms, stopping them from swinging.
And in a rush, the brush of many hands unseen.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:05:55
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Not leaving."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:07:59
From: narelle [To: liam]
This is a bit too much. She collapses in a heap on the ground. "Who are you?
WHAT are you?" She is starting to cry.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:08:52
From: liam [To: narelle]
The sense is receeding. It never crested, never swept her up entirely. This
time. It was more of an echo.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:09:40
From: liam [To: narelle]
"I'm Carlos. I'm just part of the city."
"Take it easy. Let the city surround you."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:12:18
From: narelle [To: liam]
She laughs, and it comes out a bit hysterically.
"Oh great, first people in my head and now a city. Why not? The more the merrier! And then maybe those nice people will take me back to the nice nice rubber rooms and fill me with the nice drugs and it can all just wash over me."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:15:15
From: liam [To: narelle]
He backs away a step and sits as well.
"What's going on? I'm sure the city can help..." there is some uncertainty there, though.
"I'm just Carlos, but I know the city. and I know it can help."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:16:07
From: narelle [To: liam]
She starts cry/laughing and then grabs his arms and looks in his face.
"I just want to be alone in my head. Is that SO much to ask for?"
She is childlike, really wanting to know.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:17:09
From: liam [To: narelle]
"I'm sure we can help you. I'm sure." He puts a protective arm around her.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:21:54
From: narelle [To: liam]
"i just want to be normal, like everyone else. i thought i was, when i
was little. but then the voices came. i didn't want to hear them, it
just happened. people started staring at me when I told the about what
I heard. they said i made things up, but i didn't. they were thinking
it, i could tell. they'd get all wierd or guilty or angry. all of them.
i didn't want to hear. i didn't want to feel all those feelings.
but they wouldn't stop. so one night i went up to the bathroom, got
down daddy's razor and...." she mimes slitting her wrists.
A pause. "but mommy found me. they took me away.... daddy was so angry...."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:22:57
From: liam [To: narelle]
"... and they left you. alone..." He finishes, quietly.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:23:10
From: liam [To: narelle]
"...cast out..."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:24:34
From: liam [To: narelle]
"The city can't cast you out. It won't abandon you. It can't. It wouldn't."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:25:19
From: narelle [To: liam]
i ran away. from the hospital they took me to. they thought i was crazy.
but i took the drugs. the drugs helped. made the voices distant, softer.
i could ignore them, if i wanted to. i went to a city....but after
awhile, i ran out of the drugs. and the voices came back. so strong,
and loud. so many of them!" Her eyes are huge, unfocused.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:27:07
From: liam [To: narelle]
He listens, calm breathing. Aware. Attentive.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:30:37
From: narelle [To: liam]
"so i tried other drugs. heroin was the best. it made everything go away...
like being wrapped in cotton wool." she savors the memory of what that was
like.
"but it cost money. lots. so I...." she trails off, swallows. she doesn't want to remember or tell this. "i got the money." she finishes flatly.
"but one night someone gave me the wrong thing. no cotton wool. just noise and voices and feelings... so LOUD!" she is trembling. "so i ran again. from everything. i ran and ran and ran. until it got quiet." she pauses, remembering, shivering.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:32:25
From: liam [To: narelle]
His arm tightens reassuringly; something in his silence prompts her for more.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:34:27
From: narelle [To: liam]
"i was sick then. i don't know for how long. i didn't die.... i don't
know why. maybe it was the quiet. so quiet. just sky and wind. birds.
but birds don't make voices in my head. i got better there, stronger. i
learnt to look after myself." she sounds less childlike while she says
this, a shadow of the Lindsay who is in control.
"but it was lonely sometimes. just me and the rabbits and snakes and birds. i would talk sometimes, just to remember what i sounded like...."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:36:39
From: liam [To: narelle]
"...no people..." his voice is quiet awe, perhaps he is not even aware he
spoke. He shivers.
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:37:05
From: narelle [To: liam]
"something happened out there." A long pause as she trys to find words to
explain it.
"there were campers sometimes, but i always heard them before they could get too close, so no one saw me. one day I stumbled over a camp, and heard people voices with just me ears." there is remembered awe in this, at the idea of not hearing with her mind. "somehow i learnt to turn it off. if i stay calm."
"i started working on farms. it was wierd, at first, being around people. but they had books. and chocolate. and mostly they were ok. i could still go away if i needed to."
Message: Thu Mar 15 18:37:47
From: liam [To: narelle]
His head nods - a small movement.
Email
From: Narelle
To: Liam
"The people on the last farm I worked at were really nice. I stayed there longest. They said they had family in the city. She ran a pet shop and she needed someone to help. So I came here."
She pauses, considering.
"It was scary being here. But I wanted to know if I could be with all those people again. I like the country, but they don't have big librarys there. And I thought if I looked, I might find a book that could tell my why. What I am. So I came. I like the animals. They remind me of the silence if it gets too much." She smiles, thinking of them.
"But last week something happened." The smile is gone, her face is bleak. "There was this woman. She was having dinner at the resturant where I wash dishes sometimes. She grabbed me, said I belonged with this group of people. I don't think so...."
She trails off uncertainly.
"They're loud. They never listen to each other. I know they're scared. Someone is hunting us, someone bad. A person was killed. And there is this .... THING. It's attatched to us somehow. It makes us see things that aren't real. And it plays tricks with my mind, makes me remember things 2 different ways." She is starting to shake again.
"Last night it got too much. Bad things happened all day. And then she did it. I know she felt bad. But I was helping her, she didn't have to be so mean. Something inside me just snapped. So I walked out of the hotel, to leave, to go back to the wild. But this THING is still there. I was going to this lady who is supposed to able to get rid of things like that. So I got in your taxi to go there. But it found me again I think. I don't rememeber too clearly." There is hopelessness in her voice, a sense of being trapped.
"And then I woke up here. With the nice ghosts." A small pause. "And you."
She doesn't so much stop as run out of words. Despite just waking up, she looks exhausted. After a moment, she leans her head forward against her knees and closes her eyes. The story has emptied her out. She is not so much calm as beyond the ability to feel anything more right now.
Sunday morning: part 3
Message: Mon Mar 19 16:48:04
From: liam [To: narelle]
There is a long silence.
"This has something to do with Friday night, doesn't it. With that woman... and all that..."
"Uh. How much do you know about the silent city? The world below. The things that happen that most people miss. um. Magic and the occult and all that. It sounds like you are caught in some sort of of occult tussle. Which is not a good place to be. Although..."
"I've never heard of anyone who can hear voices like you can, but it sounds like it is ... something special..."
"You seem to have learnt a bit about how to supress it. Perhaps with some focus you could channel it ... somewhere else... or... learn to make it work for you..."
He pauses.
"I was not like other kids when I was younger. I had... troubles. I didn't think I was going to make it. Eventually I found myself on the streets, and I didn't know how I'd got there, or even when. I don't know how I managed to stay alive back then. But the troubles found me, even there. And I was on the verge of giving up... perhaps I already had... But then I found the city was there."
"The city." He pauses, obviously unable to put something into words, but filling the silence with meaning of some sort.
"Perhaps you could find your center in the city as well... I could... help you to find your way... if you truely dedicate yourself to it, and understand it, let it into your life... it is there for you as well... it would take several months, at least, but if you are dedicated you might be able to use it to help you focus..."
As he speaks Lindsay can feel her head spin and something grasp at her sense of reality... but his voice continues on, and his arm is an anchor. The sensation passes.
"I could help you through this... If you'd let me."
Message: Mon Mar 19 16:54:52
From: narelle [To: liam]
She is quiet all through this. But it is clear she is listening.
"We're being hunted by the New Inquisition. And I think the entropic that is attached to us is hunting for me..... I keep feeling something grasping at me." She pauses. "I think it's only you that's keeping it at bay."
She is quiet for a long moment, then looks at Carlos to see how he is taking all this.
"You still sure you want to offer to help me?" "So far the body count is 1 dead and 2 missing. That we know of." she adds.
Message: Mon Mar 19 16:58:51
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos has a lazy smile on his face. He chuckles. "The New Inquisition wants
you?" He chuckles again. "While you are in my city. That's funny."
His face drops all trace of amusement. "I can keep the New Inquisition from you as long as you are in the city. From your friends too, although it would be more effort. You could learn to do it yourself, over time."
"Now, this other stuff..."
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:00:12
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay looks bemused. She expected a number of reactions, but amusement
wasn't one of them.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:02:38
From: liam [To: narelle]
"An entropic... Are you sure? This doesn't seem like an entropic to me.
Then I'm no expert in such things, really. But the ones I have come across
didn't seem to have this sort of effect on people... Perhaps you are more
susceptible? I don't know. Anyway, the gypsy can probably help with an
entropic, and she's likely to be helpful enough... She's not the only
option, but she is easy enough to work with."
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:03:42
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Um. What happened to you on Friday night. Do you recall? It was a...
strange time... You *must* have been affected, if you were in the city."
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:09:52
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay is just watching his face, kind of shell-shocked.
"I..." Swallows. "We went to Olga's house. For a bug-finder. People had been following us, and it seemed like they knew our every move. We found one too, later on. But while we were there, something attacked us. There was this wierd tentical thing.... and we were shot at. We were trying to get out of the building when .... SOMETHING happened. We all seemed to experience visions of some kind. And this sense of being connected. To each other somehow. When we came out of it, our mobile phones wouldn't work."
She pauses, trying to remember.
"I'm sorry, I don't remember it all very clearly. I got scared, it was like losing control again.... we got out somehow."
She searches his face to see if this is making any sense to him.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:14:27
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos's face is a mask of concentration. His peace and concern is not
gone, but it is taking a back seat to his focus on her story.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:15:30
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Where was the house?"
"The event happened at around 9, I think. Is that about right?"
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:16:41
From: narelle [To: liam]
Father Tipsy said it sounded like an entropic. And he said something
about someone ascending on Friday night....."
"Yes it was around 9pm. In the Russian quarter."
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:19:09
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Father Tipsy" he darts a look at her, looking for something in her eyes,
"He's a friend of yours?"
"He's right, it was an ascension. But I doubt he knows where or who." He smiles a bit, "That old drunk doesn't know anything he's not told"
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:20:56
From: liam [To: narelle]
His face relaxes a moment, and he notes "Things always happen all at once,
eh? Its like as if one thing is not enough to deal with, so the world
heaps on another two or three!" Then with certainty and solemnity "but
we'll sort it out. ok?"
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:21:42
From: narelle [To: liam]
She frowns, trying to sort things out.
"I don't know about a friend.... someone Olga knows suggested we talk to him. He told us his first name was Ambrose.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:27:36
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos pauses, and muses quietly "Ambrose... hmmm..."
"Father Tipsy is a powerful figure. You seem so disconnected from all of this. I thought perhaps you... I don't know... Maybe there was something you hadn't told me... or... It just didn't seem to fit."
"Don't worry. We'll work it out. You and me. Right now. That'll be good, right?"
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:27:54
From: liam [To: narelle]
Concern lines Carlos' voice.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:23:21
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay looks away.
"Why?" it is a whisper. "Last night, now... I don't understand...." She is wound into a tight ball, really distressed.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:34:29
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Hey. You alright?" Concern is strong in Carlos' voice. "Lindsay?"
"Damn. I'm right here. I can help her. I can. You can't have her." His voice is firm.
The air seems charged, like a thunderstorm waiting to break.
"Don't go." He says in a quiet voice. "please..."
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:30:10
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay doesn't answer. She can't. Her face is pushed into her knees and
she is crying.... there is no sound, only her shoulders trembling. After
so long, she just can't deal with the fact someone would believe her, offer
to help her.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:37:29
From: narelle [To: liam]
[Given her control has broken so badly, is her telepathy acting up?
I hope her reaction doesn't seem too extreme, but I figure there has been
NOONE who believed in her since this all started happening. And she has
been struggling alone for so long....]
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:38:51
From: liam [To: narelle]
[hmmm. I don't know. Carlos is very controled, and low emotion. He is,
effectively, putting that sort of energy into other things... Now her
emotion is obviously all over the place, though...]
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:40:35
From: narelle [To: liam]
The concern in his voice does get to her. She tries to answer, but all that
comes out is a kind of strangled sob. She reaches a hand out towards him.
It's about all the answer she can make right now....
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:42:34
From: narelle [To: liam]
[The last person who believed in Lindsay was her mother. And in the end, she
lost that. While other have tried to help (ruth, the farm people) none of
them knew what she really is. And in her mind, I think, if they had known
they would have shunned her....]
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:43:49
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos envelops her in his arms, lifting her up and into the cab, where
he places her carefully, covering her with the blanket again.
"I'm right here," he murmers, almost to himself, "I'm not going anywhere..." She can feel the weight of his body on the other end of the seat. "I'll watch over you."
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:45:22
From: liam [To: narelle]
For a moment she can feel Carlos's thoughts. His mind. It is calm and
focused. And yet it is wide and cluttered. Lots of little things. All
carefully tended. And concern washing over it all.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:47:08
From: liam [To: narelle]
A beyond that she can feel another presence. Something larger. Older. Full
of care and concern. Concern for those too new, too small, to care for
themselves.
She can feel the place itself. Old. Solid. Resonating with purpose, and the sorrow of abandonment.
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:51:54
From: narelle [To: liam]
This is enough that Lindsay starts trying to pull together her self control.
And it's not through fear of losing herself - this time it's because she
doesn't want to violate his privacy. It might be one of the first times she
has really WANTED to touch someone's thoughts and feelings. But not
uninvited. Not ever like that with him.
Still, this is almost 5 years worth of emotional barriers that have fallen down, and it takes a while for her to stop crying. When she does, she is quiet, simply breathing, for a couple of minutes.
Then, quietly "Carlos?"
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:52:34
From: liam [To: narelle]
"I'm here. Are you... ok?"
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:56:06
From: narelle [To: liam]
"I... I think so." She reaches up, wiping tears off her face.
"About The City.... I don't know. I don't want to lie to you. I... cities are places where bad things happen to me." She closes her eyes. "But I'll try..... for you.... I'll try...."
Message: Mon Mar 19 17:58:26
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You came back to the city. That says something."
".. and your ... gift ... is about people. about communities. about cities. it isn't about wilderness." His voice is quiet, trying to keep from setting her off.
Message: Mon Mar 19 18:02:20
From: narelle [To: liam]
She nods. Agreeing with him, or simply letting him know she has heard.
She is quiet for a bit longer, trying to pull the scattered bits of herself
together. Then she quietly starts telling him absolutely everything she
can remember about what has happened to her, from meeting None (sp?) in
the resturant. All of it, in as much detail as she can remember.
Message: Mon Mar 19 18:04:11
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos asks some questions as she goes, but is largely quiet, listening
intently, but letting her tell it all.
Sunday morning: part 4
Message: Tue Mar 27 16:46:37
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos is quiet for a time before he speaks.
"Where to begin?"
"None. I know about her. She's a powerful Cryptomage (I think that is what they call themselves). They are big on secrets. I think she might have done something to allow her to speak straight-forwardly during your conversation, but I'm not sure, from your description. I've never met her, but what you say gels with what I know. She's quite good at hiding secrets. The story is that she and another were contacted by Abel to hide an important secret for him, and that they disappeared after that. Apparently she isn't dead, but the other one is supposed to be. It makes a certain kind of sense that she'd pass on her secret to a group, and not to an individual, as a group is a lot harder to neutralize. But it was still a pretty heavy thing to lay on you all. I can also understand why she couldn't tell someone with more experience, as everyone has an angle. But you all sound so clueless. You'd want to think she had some plan for fostering you, other than "give them a weapon and hope they know how to use it"... Abel's organization is pretty powerful, as things go..."
He tapers off, his eyes gleaming for a few moments in the darkness, and a smile dancing on his lips.
"You have to work out why the Inquisition wants each of you. That will at least give us something to work with. I mean it is more obvious for some of them than for others. But there *is* a reason for all of them, you can be sure."
"Should I go on?" He looks questioningly at Lindsay, judging how she has taken what he's said so far...
Message: Tue Mar 27 16:49:24
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay looks tired and numbed out by what has happened over the last
few days. But it is clear she is listening - she is in fact focused intently
on what he is telling her. She nods for him to go on...
Message: Tue Mar 27 16:57:13
From: liam [To: narelle]
"OK."
"I think that None did have more of a plan. Bear with me here. She's pretty experienced, and she is good at finding some important secrets, if everything is to be believed. So I think she knew what was going to happen on Friday, and took advantage of it."
"Those connections between you, and that bird you all saw. I think those were her doing. I think she used the ascension to allow her to ... tilt reality. I think she linked you all together in some way, probably both to protect her secret and to allow you to help one another. That's probably what has been holding your visions at bay mostly while you have been around the group, or at least focused on it."
"I think the visions are some sort of afteraffect of the ascension. You were all pretty close, and None was doing something to you at the same time, its pretty likely that you'd be affected. It was probably your first look at ... Beyond ... wasn't it? It can... affect you. Kind of like a virus. I've heard of sort of mental or spiritual infections like this... You seem to say many of the attacks are triggered by the proximity of triggers like those stars..." Even as he says it, Lindsay feels a bit light-headed, but his relentless words draw her back "... and that's what I think is really causing it."
Message: Tue Mar 27 16:57:48
From: liam [To: narelle]
[let me know when you have digested that, and if Lindsay wants to interject]
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:00:56
From: narelle [To: liam]
"So not an entropic? She did this to me? And now she expects me to help
her????" Lindsay is starting to look really angry. She looks at Carlos.
"You've protected me. Last night, today. You fended something away from
me. What was it?"
[people messing with her ability to keep control is Lindsay's rage trigger]
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:03:57
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Entropic? No, not on you. I think someone has one, and it has affected
you, but you don't have one."
"I don't think its quite fair to say that None did this to you... really. I mean, there is no love lost between us, but I have to admit that it was sort of a side-effect, if I am right about what happened, and not what she was trying to do. In fact for someone like you, the ascension being that close might have given you a vision like that, and without the help of her linking you might not have been able to stay free of it as much as you have. She might have saved you, actually." He shrugs, "there is probably no real way of telling, at this point."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:05:34
From: liam [To: narelle]
"That writer... He wasn't at the meeting, was he? I'll bet she doesn't
even know he was caught in the effect..."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:11:48
From: narelle [To: liam]
The anger seems to wash out of Lindsay making her look small and lost. She
looks away.
"Oh... ok. Um, no he wasn't at the meeting, we met up with him at the Russian resturant... although I saw him at the clinic earlier. So I guess she won't know...."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:15:14
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Its good to see you firey. Don't lose that, just be careful where you
direct it. Its probably safe to suspect everyone." He smiles, "even me."
"I think the Entropic did affect you, with the memory of the trip to the south side of town, but it would have been to sow the seeds of doubt in someone else. I'm pretty sure that is how they work. Either that Michelle woman, or the doctor, most likely. They can be nasty if you don't know what's coming, and confusing even if you do."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:17:29
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You know, if you are having those visions, there is every chance the others
are susceptible to them as well. Heck, without you they may be even more
at sea than you were. These things have a funny way of manifesting in the
ones who are most resistant. Just like the way coincidences seem to follow
some people..."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:17:25
From: narelle [To: liam]
"So i'm trapped then.... by this vision you say has infected me.... if I
leave what will happen? It will just take me over? What becomes of me?
I just end up a mindless zombie??" She is clearly having trouble with the
whole idea that she has something washing away at her mind....
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:17:55
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Don't panic!" He looks over sharply.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:18:49
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Breathe in and out. Face the situation and work out what you can do.
Look to the community for strength. Don't face anything alone, but
don't let it beat you before you face it."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:19:23
From: narelle [To: liam]
"I know... I'm trying..." She is trying to fight it, but is not necessarily
winning. She starts hunting in the pockets of her jacket.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:21:41
From: narelle [To: liam]
After a minute she pulls out some tabs of pills, almost dropping them as her
hands are shaking...
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:22:18
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You are not the first one this has happened to, I'm sure. The universe
is large, and when it looks at you... your mind has a hard time making
sense of it. It worrys away at it, like a dog does when it has a tick.
But we're more than dogs. OK?"
"But without some sort of support I expect you'd be losing your mind." His voice is a lot quieter and firm...
"Hey" he says, seeing the pills, "what are you doing?"
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:24:49
From: narelle [To: liam]
"Pulling the emergency brakes." She looks upset but determined. Says under
her breath "Valium... the blue ones..." Finds the right tab of pills.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:25:56
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You should avoid resorting to that sort of thing, if you can. Face it
head on and it can't hurt you any more..." he trails off, as though it has
touched a nerve of his own.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:29:06
From: narelle [To: liam]
"I know! When I got off the heroin, I swore never again.... but I can't....
I'm not cutting it. It's just one.... it can't hurt... just this once?"
She is pleading with someone: Carlos, herself?
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:30:26
From: liam [To: narelle]
His voice is very quiet now. "You know yourself better than anyone;
I can't tell you what to do - you have to do it on your own."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:36:52
From: narelle [To: liam]
She stares at the pills for a long moment, indecisive, torn. After a second
she closes her eyes and the pills fall to the cab floor.
She swears low under her breath.
Then she pushes the cab door open and slides out, her hand brushing down by her boot as she does so. She is standing a couple of paces from the cab, a knife in her hand.
"This is my knife. This is real." She pushes her sleeve up. "This is my arm. This is real." She draws the knife slowly but lightly across her forearm. "This is pain. This is real. This is my blood." Her voice is sing-song, almost chanting.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:37:55
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos is out of the cab on the other side. His eyes are wide, but he doesn't
approach.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:39:33
From: liam [To: narelle]
A swirling passes Lindsay, spinning around her arm, brushing it with an
all-too-real touch...
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:40:32
From: liam [To: narelle]
Concern pours out of the darkness, a palpable sensation, cushioning, not
suffocatting...
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:43:00
From: narelle [To: liam]
"I am Lindsay." She falters for a moment. "Daughter of Robert and Dinara.
Sister of Rebecca. This is real. "
She draws the knife across her arm again.
"I have lived in the wild, lived by my own wits and skills. Lived because I choose not to die there. This is real. This is real. I am real. I am Lindsay."
She sinks down until she is sitting cross legged on the floor. The knife falls to the floor beside her. Her fingers touch the blood on her arm. "I am Lindsay. I am real." The chant is quieter now. Calmer.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:44:21
From: liam [To: narelle]
Shapes swirl around her, carried on waves of concern, but keeping their
distance.
Carlos is watching.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:48:33
From: narelle [To: liam]
Her breathing is calmer now. She is rocking slightly as she chants.
After a moment she reaches in her pocket and pulls out a hankerchief.
Leans down and licks over her wounds and then wraps the hankie around her
arm. She is breathing slowly and calmly. Picks up the knife, wipes it on
the hankie on her arm and slips it back in the sheath on her ankle. Slowly
stands up, and looks at Carlos. Says very calmly: "I didn't want to get
blood on your cab. Or the blanket."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:52:04
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos smiles slowly.
"Thanks for that." He seems more relaxed now, and his smile broadens a bit.
"That's pretty ... barbaric... I bet it helps a lot. Sure as heck looks ... intense."
He offers out his hand, "If you let them, the spirits here will probably see to the cuts. Come here, and let's work out some options for you.... for us. OK?"
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:56:33
From: narelle [To: liam]
She almost smiles. "My mother did try and bring me up to be polite."
She looks down at her arm, and touches it tentatively, almost as if it
belongs to someone else.
"I don't know. I haven't done that in a long time. Sometimes in the wild it was the only way to know I was real. That I still existed. Pain is real. And blood." She looks up at him. "I wouldn't necessarily recommend it though, unless you really have to."
She looks at him for a bit. "You've used drugs haven't you?" There is no censure in her voice, just a calm statement of fact.
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:57:11
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Oh sure. But I'd rather not..."
Message: Tue Mar 27 17:59:44
From: narelle [To: liam]
"I'm sorry about that then." She nods towards the cab. "I haven't used
since i got off the heroin. But when i came here.... well i was a bit
worried... so i got some lithium and valium. Just in case."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:00:51
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Just in case..." he echoes.
"What I found was that there was only one thing that made me real..."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:01:23
From: narelle [To: liam]
She is looking at him curiously, waiting for him to finish.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:02:56
From: liam [To: narelle]
"... community."
He takes a breath.
"And that is the one thing that I can never do more than brush. A cabbie is not someone you notice for long. But its enough for me. I need it. But any more and... well that's how magic and obsession are, isn't it?"
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:03:50
From: liam [To: narelle]
"You are really alive when you see yourself in someone else's eyes, and
hear yourself in their voice." His voice is certain, final.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:05:26
From: narelle [To: liam]
"Is that why you helped me? To see yourself in my eyes?"
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:06:25
From: narelle [To: liam]
She still seems calm, detatched. But she is watching him and there is
something in her eyes.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:09:38
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Heh. Sort of, I guess."
"I live for the city. I have to do what I can for those who walk within it, or I'm not being true to it. Or myself. I have chosen the city. Because I am an outsider, or despite that; that's what makes the choice so potent. The city is community. And I'm both part of that, and outside of that. I have to do my part. I *have to* do my part. But if the community sees me clearly, recognizes me, then I lose what makes me special..."
"So yes, I very much wanted to see myself in your eyes, and make a difference to someone - to continue to live."
"I couldn't let someone like you go."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:11:32
From: liam [To: narelle]
"I think you know how important it is that you can really see me, though.
I think. That you don't see a taxi driver..."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:11:56
From: narelle [To: liam]
"Someone like me.....?" She is still watching him, like a cat. That same
intent stare.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:13:20
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Someone so... like me. Like I was. Like I am."
"Someone ... right."
"Someone ... in need."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:16:51
From: narelle [To: liam]
"And that's why I should trust you? You know almost all my secrets now."
She smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "It's a good thing i'm not
a cryptomancer then, isn't it?" The smile is gone.
"Should I trust you Carlos?"
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:22:15
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Probably not."
"My reasons for helping you initially were simple and pretty hard for me to act against. My reasons for helping you now. Are more. Complex. And that can be difficult."
"But you do need help. At least until you can get what you need from the group that None created to support you..."
"I can... back away. If that is what you want."
"I can point you in directions, if you want."
"Or I can open you to the world of the city, the community, around you; a community you need for self-justification, but won't acknowledge your presence."
"Whatever."
He seems a bit... hurt. But his voice stays calm and firm. Its in his eyes.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:30:08
From: narelle [To: liam]
She absorbs this, and after a minute, blinks and looks down. Something seems
to go out of her when she looks away. She's still calm. But the almost
eerie sense of detatchment is gone. She is just a teenage kid, tired and
a bit scruffy looking.
"You seem to know about a lot of stuff. And I can talk to you, I mean you actually listen to me. And you seem to understand in a way they can't."
She is looking at the floor, her shoes. Anywhere but him in fact.
"I... It would be... I could really use you help." She struggles to say it, but eventually manages to get it out.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:33:05
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Let's start this gradually. One step at a time."
"Why don't I take you ... back to the hotel. So that you can ... all ... go to see the gypsy." He seems to be holding his breath, almost, waiting for her reaction.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:36:45
From: narelle [To: liam]
She looks up with an almost perfect "Do i have to??" look on her face.
"I guess you're right. I just... " Whatever it is, she can't seem to put
it into words. She sighs and lets it go. She is looking at him. She adds,
really quietly. "And if i can't trust you, then I may as well just hand
myself over the the New Inquisition right now...."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:38:56
From: liam [To: narelle]
He flashes a smile, a nasty smile, "not while I have anything to say
about it." His voice is firm and fiesty, "I've seen them do enough
to my city already, and they should know better by now. It is *my* city."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:39:42
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Able should have built his base somewhere else."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:41:07
From: narelle [To: liam]
She is a little startled for a minute, and then she smiles, maybe the
first real smile he has seen.
"So should i start calling it "Carlosville"? It does have nice ring to it." She is teasing him. She seems a little startled at herself.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:42:25
From: narelle [To: liam]
"I mean it said Aurora on the way on the train, but you know us country
hicks, we don't read none to good."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:42:56
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Nah. It's always Chicago. Just Chicago. Did you know that was the original
town here? Before Aurora grew over it? That's my city: Chicago. The heart
of Aurora."
He gestures to the cab. "If we are going to do this, we should get going."
He's relaxed and smiling too.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:46:05
From: narelle [To: liam]
She smiles too. She lets go of the injured arm she has been holding
and winces.
"Um, this city of yours wouldn't have somewhere i could shower by any chance. I don't really want to use the hotel room." There is a brief shadow over her face, then it is gone. "Breakfast would be good too. My shout." This last is said a bit tentatively. She is clearly trying to say thank-you to him, if somewhat awkwardly.
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:48:21
From: liam [To: narelle]
"What's that line that Johnathan says in teh Blues Brothers, when they
are about to head out in the car... we're forty miles from Aurora, we have
a six pack and we are wearing sunglasses... something like that!"
"You wanna ride up front? I'm off duty... I'd let you work the siren... if I had one..."
Message: Tue Mar 27 18:48:46
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Breakfast and onwards!"
Sunday morning: part 5
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos has an Aurora Phonebook: Chicago on the front seat. It is well-worn.
He reads it in his spare time... :)
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos probably took her to the bus station, which has some (scungy)
shower facilities.
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay doesn't take very long, but does come out with her arm neatly
bandaged. She dumps a small bundle of stuff in the cab while she
showers and stuff, and grabs it back afterwards.
From: liam [To: narelle]
Then they could get a quick breakfast at a diner nearby. Unless she makes
a point of it, Carlos will have paid without any comment or fanfare.
Small talk. Nothing of consequence. He talks about the city a lot. What has happened, who's in political power, etc.
Recommends taking a community college course "in anything that interests you. Or in local history"
From: narelle [To: liam]
When he mentions college, Lindsay gets this odd, wistful look on her face.
From: liam [To: narelle]
Gives Lindsay a way to contact him... "Call this number, its the cab
company. Tell them you are my niece and they can get a message through. I'll
let them know you are in town. 'K? I'm here 24/7 for you, if you need me."
From: narelle [To: liam]
She will check his ID in the cab, probably when she first got in the front
seat and see what his surname is. She says she'd better be his sister's kid,
given the names and everything.
From: liam [To: narelle]
Carlos Santalo
Sister's kid? Isn't that what a niece is? As to the names, she can give whatever name she wants. But he's expecting to tell them his niece Lindsay is in town and might call for him (or whatever relationship works for her).
From: narelle [To: liam]
The contact stuff is good, she was going to ask.
From: liam [To: narelle]
"But I'm *not* here for your group, if that's OK. I'd just as soon not meet
the rest of them. Not now. I don't want to be tangled. That's too many
people to be focusing on me. Too many. You can talk about me, but I don't
want to be on their mailing list. I'm here for you."
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay is fine with that: given a choice she proably wouldn't want to be
tangled up with most of them either. She asks a couple of questions so
she is clear about how much she can say about him (his name, what he told
her about None, what he is/does).
From: liam [To: narelle]
"What you say is up to you, I think - I'm not going to set boundries for
you. I'm your friend, and I'm trying to help you, but don't want to be put
into the middle of these people's lives as well. You know more about me
that just about anyone I keep in touch with, probably, and I trust you not
to do anything that is going to compromise me, if you can avoid it. As
long as I'm agreeing to teach you about the city, I have to trust you, and
your judgement, as much as I want you to trust me, or more."
"But I guess I can offer that, the less you say about me, probably the better for me. But you'll have to judge the situation."
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay doesn't make any reply to his comments like "I'm here 24/7 for you,
if you need me." and "I'm here for you."
From: liam [To: narelle]
Oh, his car/badge number is 72124 (could you note it down).
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay is increasingly quiet through breakfast and in the car on the
way to the hotel. When they pull up near/at the hotel she says quietly:
"So I stick with the group and I'm ok, right? Whatever it is that is trying to get into my head can't do it then." Pauses, then looks at him.
From: liam [To: narelle]
"Not quite. You are *stronger* while you are with them. I can't give you
any promises, Lindsay, but I can tell you that I think things will get
worse if you are away from them; and it might get worse for them as well.
Hopefully the Gypsy can help with it. But the group will help you no
matter what. There is strength there, not only from whatever sort of
mystical ties bind you together, but also from the community..."
From: narelle [To: liam]
"Carlos, what did you push away from me? I need to know... I can't fight
something when I don't even know what it is..."
From: liam [To: narelle]
He looks confused.
"Huh? I'm I guess I was just talking about fate, or whatever higher power wants to mess with you. It probably doesn't help to talk to the universe really, but at times I'd swear it works!" He smiles. "I was brought up as a believer, and there's not a lot that I've seen to shake that faith; at least not a lot of ... this stuff. The stuff I saw on the streets when I was younger - that's where I lost my real belief. But there's some of it left - I part of me that wants there to be someone out there listening that we can talk to... beg to... to make things better."
"You better get in there, so they don't leave without you..."
From: narelle [To: liam]
Lindsay squares her shoulders and heads back into the hotel...
At Madame Seance's, Lindsay stays last to ask some questions in private. She haltingly describes her "gift" and asks if the old gypsy woman has every heard of anyone else with similar skills. She says she has, but Lindsay's elation at FINALLY finding something out is short lived. The gypsy has heard of those who walk in the mind's others, invading their privacy, learning secrets they were not meant to know. She says that Lindsay has been cursed, blighted. Lindsay is completely at a loss for words, and yet in some ways this confirms what she has always felt: that she is a freak.
After a pause the gypsy says she has 2 choices: to defy the evil and refuse to use these powers, OR make it her life, surrender to it and be reborn. She goes on to say that Lindsay will always be apart. Her only way to master her "gift" is to accept it. She must foster her own community and allow it to help her - ultimately to surrender herself to it. Lindsay says someone else recently told her something similar. This is what the gypsy has done with her own abilities: dedicated her life to using them to help others. The old woman also comments that all gypsys are cursed - Lindsay says her mother is from Eastern Europe, maybe it's where she gets her gift/curse from?
Lindsay remains lost in thought struggling to come to terms with the gypsy has told her. Eventually she asks, with both bitterness and sadness, "I'm never going to see my parents again am I?" The gypsy says no, she won't. But she will see her siblings. Lindsay is less then impressed with this. The gypsy offers a little hope: there is nothing to say she won't talk to her parents, she just won't see them in person again. Lindsay nods, and seems to take some small comfort from this. Eventually, she pulls herself together somehow, and helps the old woman back upstairs.
Sunday Day - part 2On leaving the Medical Centre in Olga's car, heading for Rene's house, some leaves sweep over the windscreen of the car. Lindsay notices a message in them: "Lindsay, are you ok? Give me a call". Lindsay is gobsmacked - how did he find her???
Later that afternoon, while everyone is busy at Rene's place, she sneaks down and calls the taxi company. The lady on reception does indeed know about her, and says she can get a message to Carlos. Lindsay just says to let him know she is ok, and will call him tomorrow. She's new in town and "Uncle Carlos" does seem to worry about her - the lady is very understanding. Lindsay hangs up, and then dials a random number, just to be safe from people using redial on the phone.
Sunday EveningWhen Campbell returns to the Medical Centre on sunday evening after her dinner engagement, Lindsay lets her in. She then says she needs to make a call, and wants to use a public phone just in case of bugs, but she'll be back in 10 minutes or so. She heads off.
Since she can't see any other phones within sight, she uses the one outside the medical centre. She calls Midwest Yellow Taxis and gets a different operator, but who also seems to know who she is. The operator says Carlos is not on duty, but has left a somewhat cryptic message: "If you want to reach me, go for a walk in the park." Puzzled, Lindsay makes some covering comments about her strange "Uncle Carlos" who's actually very nice, really! She thanks the woman and hangs up. After thinking for a bit, she heads off for the nearby parks along the lakeshore.
Since it's quite late, and she is naturally cautious, she tends to move quietly through deserted parts, lingering in the shadows while she checks out each section. In between, she thinks about Carlos, wondering why he suggested this in the first place. After awhile, she comes to a street along one park edge and sees a taxi parked there. There is a figure in the drivers seat: she approaches carefully and realises it is Carlos, asleep. She taps quietly on the drivers window to wake him. He invites her in, and she slips into the front passenger seat.
They catch up on the day. Lindsay tells him about Ruth and her concerns. She is wondering if he could drop past but he says it's Southside and out of his area. Bum. He does suggest taking the phone number to a numerologist though, so she can find out something about the person it will contact. Lindsay says she is going to get Campbell to check it out for her, but she'll keep it in mind. Carlos can point her at someone if she wants to pursue the idea later.
He says she should stop using phones, but doesn't suggest any alternative. Lindsay says she thinks she managed to send a feeling to someone today, rather just receiving. She also mentions the whole leaf message thing. Carlos asks if something happen, 'cause something triggered his "ward" about 3pm. Lindsay looks very confused; Carlos says he promised he would protect her and that he has set this ward over her. Lindsay tries to think of something that happened around 3pm but can't. Carlos says it might have been earlier, he just didn't notice until about 3pm. She starts going back through the day until she mentions the car accident the group saw. Carlos says that would be it. Lindsay is stunned.
Carlos explains that the city is keeping an eye on her, and that if something gets near her that means her harm, the city will react to protect her. This reaction will look like something random to most people: a bus coming through, or in this case, a window cleaning cage accidently falling and taking out the car. He states this all very calmly. Lindsay is struggling to take it all in. He says he didn't notice that the ward had triggered, and it was a couple of hours before he renewed it - he will keep a closer eye on it from now on.
Lindsay suddenly recalls she would only be 10 minutes and says she'd better get back pronto. She goes to get out of the taxi and Carlos asks her where she thinks she is. She says the lakeshore park near the St Clair Medical Centre. He replies that they are in fact parked next to Garfield Park in the city, and he'll drive her back. This last revalation silences Lindsay completely. Carlos starts the taxi and heads off.
They drive up to the medical centre about 1 hour after Lindsay went out. Lindsay spots Campbell and Olga standing by the phone box, and swears. She makes the motion of paying Carlos for the ride and gets out. Thinking furiously, she replies to their pointy questions about where the hell she has been by saying she went looking for a phone some distance away since she didn't trust the one outside the Medical Center. She found one eventually, made her call and started back. However somewhere along the way she screwed up and ended up lost. Finally spotting another phone, she called a taxi and here she is. Campbell says something about her calling a taxi from this phone. Lindsay says no, it was at least several blocks away. Carlos has driven off. It looks like she may have gotten away with it - just.